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TITLE: Legend of the Yoshisaurus (ep. 6)
By Jacob Gibson
09/15/08
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I wasn't really planning on posting more episodes if no one left any comments, but a few people left me some and one person even wanted more so here we go! (Thank you so much!) I must warn you about this one though. It's very long, goofy, full of my trademark nonsense and has almost nothing to do with the rest of the story. I just made it for fun, and had one of those weird moments, like with my earlier oddball story "The Insane Quartet". If you want to skip this one and go to the next, that's fine. You won't miss any of the plot. It's your choice. Eat the blue jellybean and you will continue with life as you know it. Eat the red jellybean and you will enter a strange world you've never seen before. ;)
Episode 6: Dance to the Beating!

Bananas. The second that Yoshi woke up this morning with a large yawn he really wanted to eat bananas some bananas for breakfast. He didn’t know why he wanted them so much but he just knew he had to have some or he would go crazy. So he stood up, stretched, and prepared to walk home to see if his family had any. Before he could even take a single step though, he noticed several kids around him staring at him.

“Good morning, strange little children!” he greeted them. “Thank you for not waking me up today by screaming.”

They said nothing but continued to stare at him.

“Uh… yes, I know I’m big and very good-looking but could you please stop that? It’s impolite and makes me feel akward.”

Still nothing. Then Yoshi remembered what happened the other day and panicked. “Oh no! What now? Did I grow again? No. Thank goodness I’m the same I was yesterday and didn’t… huh?! Gaaaaahahaha!!! This is just… embarrassing!”

If you guessed that Yoshi had changed colors again, then you are absolutely correct! Now try to guess which color he was now. No. Nope. Nuh-uh. Nice try, but no cigar. What? Sir, that’s a vegetable not a color. Please sit down. Uh… hey, that’s a good idea! I’ll write that down. No... no... no. Anyway, the truth is that you’re all correct because today… Yoshi was covered in big neato rainbow stripes that blended together! (but the white parts of his body were still white).

A little girl smiled and yelled out, “Pretty guy! Pretty guy! You rainbow man!”

“Eh-heh… right…” then he ran away from them as fast as he could and went to go find some ‘nanners.

Yoshi came home and greeted his family. “Top of the mornin’ to ya’s! Can I spare ye for some of yer finest monkey food me lady?”

“Oh… good morning, son,” said his mom with a yawn. “Sorry we didn’t come down to meet you today but most of us were up late last night. It took awhile to put out all those fires. Nice colors, by the way.”

“Yeah, you look cool that way,” added his father. “But monkey food? You want to eat bugs today? Are you turning into a Frog Pirate now?”

“Oh please. I was talking about bananas.”

Yoshi’s mom went to the garden and then came back and said, “No, I’m sorry. I think we’re all out of bananas but we’ll buy some more today.”

“What?! No bananas?! Are you sure? We really don’t have any?”

One of his brothers shouted “Yes… we have no bananas! I think you’re just going bananas for bananas today!”

The author sat back and laughed that he had finally managed to make someone say the phrase “yes, we have no bananas” in a serious context. However, thinking of bananas really made him hungry for a banana and he decided to take care of this world-threatening dilemma right away. So he stopped typing, got out of his chair, turned right, and walked down the 13 steps to find what he was looking for. At the bottom of the steps he entered the living room, and and upon doing that he turned right again, took a few steps forwards, and then turned right again to go to the dining room. Then he kept walking straight, came into the kitchen, and mercilessly pounced on a helpless bunch of bananas in the corner. With his prize now in hand he made the long trek from the kitchen to the dining room to the the living room up the stairs and back to his computer which sat in the corner by the stairs and next to the window. He peeled the banana, ate some of it, and thoroughly enjoyed it to the very last bite. Then he noticed that he had a peel in his hand and didn’t want to eat that part, so he tossed it over his shoulder onto his collection of banana peels that was steadily growing into a nice little mountain. Then he typed all of this and made you read something that wasted a lot of your time. Anyway…

“Yes,” said Yoshi, “I am going bananas because we don’t have any bananas! So now I’m going out to look for some and if I ever find any I won’t give any to you. I’ll be back later.” He turned around and then went on his quest to find the fruit that he so desired. How little he knew that his search would provide him with much more danger than he thought! Or… maybe not.

- Y - O - S - H - I -

“Hmmmmmm… ehhhhhhh… uhhhhhhhhh… ahhhhhhhh… duhhhhhhh… grrrrrrr… aaaaaggggghhhhh!!! This just won’t work!” Koopa banged his head on the table and then crumbled up a piece of paper, threw it in the air, and coughed out a flame that crisped it to a burnt. Ever since Yoshi had defeated the king’s best weapon, he was trying his best to come up with a new weapon that would be able to defeat him. But they all stunk pretty badly.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?!”

Uh… I mean… they didn’t reach the level of genius that the brilliant turtle king had hoped for.

“That’s better. Now say you’re sorry with sugar on it.”

What? Can’t we just get back to the story now and forget about what I said? I was only joking.

“Never! No one insults the mighty, fearsome King Koopa and walks away with their dignity. Not even the author of this story!”

Oh please. This is beyond idiotic. I don’t have time to… oh wait a sec’… hey, I’m the one in charge here! Get back to the plot before I make something really awful happen to you!

“Yeah, like what?”

All of a sudden the entire castle began to shake violently and break apart. Strong winds blew from every direction. Giant waves crashed against the structure. Volcanoes and tornados—

“Gaaaaahhh!! Okay, you win!”

Then everything returned to normal and we returned to our regular programming.

“Great. Thank you. Now what was I going to do again? Oh yeah.” He pushed a button and spoke into a microphone. “Attention all you slackers. Please come to the meeting room. We need to talk about something important.” The sound of a squealing possum came from the speakers in the ceiling and the employees slowly got up from their desks and dragged themselves to the meeting room.

As soon as they all got inside, everyone went to the snack table to get some donuts like they always did. But instead they found three empty boxes on the table and beside it a blue-shelled Troopa with crumbs all over his face.

“Oh NOOOOOO!!! How could you?!” yelled a hammer brother with tears in his eyes. “My little friends… all dead!”

“Malvin!” squeaked a Goomba, “You ate all the flippin’ donuts! Now we’re going to die! No… you’re going to die!!”

Malvin looked at them for a second, then made a crazy look on his face and proceeded to eat the box that he had just emptied.

“Okay! Someone kill that man! Err… Koopa Troopa!” screamed a lakitu.

“Hey, Malvin! How would you like to have a hertz donut?!”

Koopa growled and said, “Forget about it, you slobs! We have more important matters to think about now. Everyone sit down and we’ll get right to it.”

They obeyed and sat down at the long table while Koopa stood at the head beside a large chart. Malvin sat down too but took the box with him and kept munching on it.

“Alright… thank you all for coming. As you know, our most powerful weapon was destroyed last night by that huge, crazy Yoshi creature. I think we need a moment of silence for him…...... okay, good enough. Now we need a new plan to beat him and—“

“You can’t think of anything good so you need our help,” finished Malvin with a laugh.

“Yes. I mean NO! Grrrrrrr… I just want to hear if anyone has any suggestions for our next move on this guy. Anyone?”

“Let’s kill him!”

“That just what I meant, idiot! Any good ideas in the building?”

“We could build a robot that has four heads and shoots bullets and fireballs!” yelled one. “That would ROCK!”

“Yeah, and we just did that!” Koopa slapped himself in the face and sighed. “Does anyone have any good AND new ideas?”

Before someone else could speak up, something loud in the room interrupted him. In the corner beside the door, Malvin had a boom box in his hands and was playing the ever-so-catchy “Archie” theme song. “Shooga! Doo doo DOO doo, doo doo. Oh honey, honey! Doo doo DOO doo, doo doo...” The people at the table tapped their fingers on the table to the beat. Koopa raised an eyebrow.

“What is wrong with you, Malvin? Are you trying to get fired or something?!”

“Yes I am! I’ve been trying to get fired ever since you drafted me into your stupid army!”

“Oh yeah… never mind. Sit down or… I’ll lower your pay again!”

He set down the boom box, turned it off, and came back to the table while everyone whined that the music was over.

“Great… now as I was saying. Does anyone have any—“

Suddenly he was interrupted again. And by loud catchy music again. Malvin was back in the corner with his attention-getting machine. Now he was playing a fun little song that went like this: “Shine! Make ‘em won-der whatcha got! Make ‘em wish that they were not… on the outside lookin’ bored!” Everyone at the the table bobbed their heads up and down.

“Malvin!!!” Koopa roared and then opened his mouth and shot out a large flame toward the distracting machine. Malvin jumped away, the flame hit the boom box, and the box of boom got completely blow’d up in da room. Can ya dig it!!

“THERE! NOW THEN I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF—“

Malvin got out another radio and played a third song, and one way too catchy for anyone to resist. “Loose! Footloose! Kick off your Sunday shoes! Please... Louise! Pull me offa my knees!” Now there was no stopping it. All of the employees leapt out of their chairs and danced around completely out of control (like their feet were loose or something). Of course, you can’t really blame them when you hear a really fun song like Footloose that’s from a movie about rebelling against authority with sweet dance moves.

Koopa finally lost it all. “ALL OF YOU STOP IT NOW! GET BACK TO THE TABLE SO WE CAN FINISH THE MEETING! WE HAVE A NO FUN POLICY HERE! AAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!” He ran towards Malvin to trounce both him and his device but then stopped. “Woah. Time out. Music… lose control… YES!! That’s it!! Thanks a lot, guys! I’ll make sure you all get a big raise for this!” He ran out of the room as fast as he could and prepared to make history. The others kept dancing away.

- Y - O - S - H - I -

We now return to our friend Yoshi, who was still on his incredible quest for the priceless ‘nanners of Yoshi’s Island. And while he went on his mission he sang a little song to keep him happy on the way. “Teen-age mu-tant Yo-shi-saur-us! Teen-age mu-tant Yo-shi-saur-us! Teen-age mu-tant Yo-shi-saur-us! This dino’s gonna kick your tail… Yoshi power! Bah buh bah, bah bah bah bah-da-da—“

“Hello, Yoshi.”

“Gah!! I wasn’t singing just now! I mean... hey Jikondo. What’s up?”

“Oh nothing really. Just taking my morning jog. Again I congratulate you and the others on taking care of that hideous fire-breathing beast.”

“Eh... it was easy. Pretty much. Wellp anyway... see ya later. I got to find me some bananas!”

“Oh... well... good luck with that... I guess. Hey wait, Yoshi! You just reminded me of something. Would you like to have a little more training today?”

“What does that have to do with bananas? And I thought I would get a break until next week!”

Jikondo crossed his arms. “Yes, I know that I said that. But today I fear that yet another enemy will attack us today and we need to be ready again!”

“Uh-huh. It wasn’t bad enough that I had to transform the exact same day that the digging creatures came, and then you trained me the same day that fire creature came... and now this! The author is just terrible with planning these kind of things and he eats all the bananas! Anyway... what kind of training did you have in mind?”

“Dance lessons! Ha ha!”

“Uhhhhhh... what?” Yoshi thought he was going nuts.

“You heard me. We’re going to practice some killer dance moves today so you’ll be ready when the thing comes.”

“Have you lost your mind today or something?”

“Now look, Yoshi. I know that fighting is important, but dancing is too. Girls want to be with guys who can fight AND dance, and to lack one or the other would prove a disaster. You can be the best fighter in the whole word... but it don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing!!”

@_@!

“Don’t give me that look!”

X_X!!

“That’s better. Now, my friend, let’s just do this for a few minutes and then I can find a banana for you since you seem to be completely obsessed over them today for no reason at all... like it’s some kind of bad running joke or something.”

“Oh really? YAAAAAAY!! Let’s start dancing!” A little Yoshi walking by heard him say that and laughed at Yoshi and called him a sissy. Yoshi insulted him for not even knowing how to dance and the little boy ran away bawling.

“Wow... that was heartless. Anyway.” Jikondo pulled out a tape player. “Let’s go.”

“Hold on! What is that thing?”

“A tape player of course.”

“Have those even been invented yet in our world?”

“Who cares?! We can bend the rules like this every once in awhile because the audience usually doesn’t even notice them most of the time.”

“Right. What about all the fanatics of this story who don’t miss anything?”

“Unfortunately we don’t have any fanatics! Anyway, here we go!” Jikondo hit play and the theme of Disney’s “Dinosaurs” played. Yoshi groaned and prepared for something extremely embarrassing.

- Y - O - S - H - I -

With no time to lose, Koopa dashed straight to the throne room and jumped on the throne, getting really excited for what he was about to do. He pushed a button on the arm rest of the large golden chair and suddenly four huge tires popped out from underneath, a steering wheel came out in front of him, and a brake a gas pedal underneath. He pushed another button to start it up and then floored the gas and took off to another room. Vroom vroom VROOOOOOOOM!! (Don’t you wish you had a throne-mobile? I know I do.)

He zoomed down the hall and then came to an elevator and pushed the button. The doors opened, he drove inside, and pushed another button to go to a lower floor.

{Elevator music: Super Mario Bros. “overworld” easy listening remix}

Koopa hummed along with the music and after two hours he came to his destination. The doors opened and to his total surprise he saw a large dark underground world full of red flames. “Oops! I went to far again. Going back up.” He pushed another button and the doors closed just as a large red pitch fork impaled the door.

{Elevator music: Super Mario Bros. “overworld” easy listening remix}

Finally he came to the right room and drove inside. He was now in a dark room that had nothing but a few dim lights, carvings of Koopa’s face in the walls and floor, and huge TV screen at the end (this is where he watched foot ball sometimes). Koopa hit another button on the chair and the screen flicked on and lit up the room. On the screen he saw the face of a lakitu with a green wig and huge square sunglasses.

The lakitu salesman grinned at him. “Hey! Hey! Hey! Double K! What can I DO for YOU today?”

Koopa frowned and said, “Well the first thing you could do is ta stop tryin’ to impress me with them fancy words, Fat Albert! I’m tired o’ yo fake kindess!” For some reason Koopa was now talking in a terrible southern drawl. Please don’t ask me because I don’t know why either.

“I’m sorry, your majesty. We at ACRONYM Enterprises always try to give our customers the most respect that we possibly can and—“

“Yeah, yeah I heard of all o’ that before! Now I need me a robot that can get rid of a huge pain in mah neck. Namely... that Yoshisaurus Rex! He done wreck all my doggone diggin’ plans!”

“A what? I thought that he died years ago.”

“He did! This one must be one o’ his relatives or something.”

“Hmmmm...” said the lakitu. “That sounds like a problem. But when you say ‘get rid of him’ what exactly do you mean? Do you want us to kill him?”

“No, I want you to just gently take him offa the island somewhere else so he can come back and do the same thing again. ‘Course I mean kill him, boy! I need me a good robot that can do the trick.”

“What kind of robot did you have in mind?”

Koopa smiled. “I got me a great idea! I need a robot that can hippo-notize them Yoshies with some crazy good music. Heh heh heh!”

“Oooohhhhhh! So you’re thinking of putting those dinos in a trance with a little bit of trance, ey? Now that’s music to my ears!”

“Yeah boy! Now here’s all the details you need.” He pulled out a piece of paper and put it in a fax machine. The paper went to the lakitu.

“Let’s see... wow, this is interesting stuff. But what is this thing for?”

“That’s how I control the thing!” the king sat back and smiled.

“You mean... that you would...” the lakitu tried not to laugh but then screamed with laughter and fell over.

“Hey! You makin’ fun o’ me?”

“Kih kih kih kih! I mean... eh-hem... n-n-no your majesty. Of course not. This is a... very creative idea. Kih kih kih kih! Eh-hem.”

“You bet your boots it is! Dan-Dan Rexolution will be the most amazing thing since edible shavin’ cream.”

“Yeeeeeeaaaaaah. But you picked out a name, huh? That just sounds really--! I mean... I think it rocks! And I think this creation is going to rock too! Do you want to build it yourself or let us build it for you?”

“Which one costs more?”

“If we build it for you.”

“Then do that! I got loads to spend on this kinda junk. Heh heh heh!”

“Hm hm! Good to hear. So then, how does 6 hours sound for delivery time?”

“That sounds like a winner! You da man, salesman!”

“Hey... right back at ya, K-man Koopa!” The screen turned off and Koopa drove back to the elevator and to the delivery room to wait for his new weapon. Sure enough, in 6 hours and 44 minutes a huge crate fell from the sky and crashed through the roof right in front of the king. Everyone came running to see what happened.

“What was THAT? Did something just fall in here?”

“Was it that thing? Did you order another stinkin’ robot instead of building it again?”

“Yep, I sure did!” said Koopa now talking normal again. “This is our new weapon against the Yoshies and I know it will really do the trick! Dan-Dan Rexolution!”

“Oh no. Why do I feel like I’ve heard of that before?” asked one.

“And why did it fall through the ceiling?” asked another.

“I guess they’re trying to save money by delivering packages by catapult. Anyway... how about you guys help me set this up?”

They left the room and came back with some crow bars to pull it open. Koopa jumped up and down excitedly as the hammer brothers unveiled the deadly new machine. The boards came off and the creation stood before them and glowed with a heavenly glow and heavenly music that made it seem very heavenly. Koopa stared at it for a few moments and wiped the tears from his eyes. But when the heavenly glow faded away and he saw what it really looked like, his face turned white as a Boo and couldn’t even speak. They built it just like he wanted it... the body of Dan-Dan looked just like it was supposed to; a perfect resemblence of the turtle king except with gold metal skin, silver stomache, a picture of a music box on the chest (from Super Mario Bros 3) and a longer tail. But the head... looked like a Yoshi’s head! Not just any Yoshi head but one that had horns sticking out of it’s head! Some screamed, some laughed, but Koopa flipped out.

“AAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!! That’s the most ugly thing I’ve ever seen in my life! That little dude is going to PAY!!!” He went back to the “secret” room and talked with the lakitu again.

“Howdy doody, Koopa-koody! Did you get your package?”

“You bet I did!” said Koopa in his bad southern accent again for some reason. “But it seems mo’ like you tricksters got me!”

“Wha? You don’t like it?”

“It’s head looks like a doggone Yoshi! You expect me to be happy ‘bout that?! What were you thinkin’?!”

“I... uh... we... uh... buh-buh-buh-buh...”

“Spit it out!”

“Okay, you win. Here’s the truth, king, but you might not like it. One other thing I probably should tell you, because if I don’t they will probably be saying this about me, too. We did get something, a gift, after the election.

“A man down in Texas heard Pat on the radio mention the fact that out two youngsters would like to have a dog, and, believe it or not, the day before we left on the campaign trip we got a message from Union Station in Baltimore saying that they had a package for us. We went down to get it. You know what it was?”

“No, what?” Koopa crossed his arms.

The salesman smiled. “It was a little cocker spaniel Chihuahua dog, in a crate that he had sent all the way from Texas, black and white, spotted, and our little girl, Trixie, the six-year-old, named it Checkers.

“And you know, the kids, like all kids, loved the dog, and I just want to say this, right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we are going to keep it. And that’s that!”

Koopa fumed. “And just what in tarnation does that have to do with ma orda?!”

“Oh that! Right, heh heh. Here’s what happened, big guy. We decided that we would do you a little favor and cut the cost of your robot by making the head look like that. We think it looks pretty cool and might scare the Yoshies to see something that looks somewhat like them and you at the same time! And you get to save money too. How about them gold coins!”

“You sure this ain’t just a big slap in ma face? If you think you can get away with—“

“Now, now, don’t worry about that. ACRONYM Enterprises would never try to insult any of our special customers. Especially a *cough*big fat sucker*cough* great king like you. But if you don’t like it we can take it back, make the change, and get it back to you in... oh... a week.”

“A week? But ah want to play with that little thingamabob TODAY!”

“Well I guess you’ll have to settle then. See ya later, King.”

“Now hold on!”

“Look, King, you have your choice and that’s all there is. Maybe this will help you change your mind. We threw in a few neat surprises for you that you may enjoy.” He winked, but of course it can be hard to tell when someone is wearing glasses.

“Like what?”

“If we told you it wouldn’t be a surprise!” The lakitu threw some confetti in the air and blew an air horn right into the microphone. Koopa fell over backwards in his throne.

“GAAAAHHHH!! I hope that the surprise is that it tears down yo whole business! Ah’ll keep it. But if one thing goes wrong ah will march right down to yo place and torch yo little wig off!”

“Good choice, man! Hope you have a party with that thing.”

Koopa came back to the delivery room and everyone waited for his answer. He pretended to be happy. “Ha ha! I showed him! I saved a ton of money because they made a tin little mistake! Those suckers! Now then... let’s set it up and see how it runs.”

“Where are the controls?” asked a monty mole.

“Maybe they’re in the crate.” He went over to it and dug through the styrofoam pieces. “Ah! Here it is! It’s much lighter than I thought it would be too!” Koopa carried a thin metal platform to another spot and set it down. It was a flat sqaure that was a little bigger than the large king and had a big circle in the middle surrounded by eight squares. The sqaures located in the front, back, left, and right had arrows pointing towards the edge of the platform and away from the center. The remaining four diagonal squares had the roman numerals I – IV and were red, green, blue, and purple. Koopa laughed and hopped on the platform to try and control it.

“Time to rock, baby!”

“Uh... that’s how you control it? By standing on it?”

“Dancing actually! Ha ha ha! Now how come this won’t start? Can someone get me the directions?”

“Did you say dancing? Oh man, this is too humiliating!”

“Yeah,” said a Goomba named Phrank. “And why does it feel like we just reinvented something here?”

A lakitu brought the instuctions to Koopa, plus a headset and a pair of gloves covered with wires but not attached to each other. “Here ya go!”

“Thank you! Okay now it says here I have to push the power button. Hey, it’s on! Then I put on this headset with the microphone. Then I hit all four of the diagonal in order and then backwards order. Then I push these little buttons at the top... hold select and press X-X-Y-B-A. And then I say a special voice code that only works for me. Let’s see... oh I know!” he held down a button and spoke into the little microphone, “Enter password.”

“Dancing master identified... King Koopa of the Koopa Kingdom. Thank you for choosing ACRONYM Enterprises. We appreciate our customers and the support you give us by...”

A parakoopa asked, “Why does it talk so funny?” (it had the voice of that announcer from the DDR games)

Koopa ignored him and waited for it to get to the point. “... anyway you may now enter your password.”

“Heh heh!” Koopa pushed a button on his headset and shouted into the mike, “Oonce! Oonce! Oonce! Oonce! Boom-chicka! Boom-chicka! Boom! Boom! Boom!”

Nearly everyone turned red and fainted but Koopa didn’t notice. He put on the gloves and moved his hands in a certain way so Dan-Dan came to life. “Begin training mode!” said a voice from the machine.

{“Pirate Dance” from Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix}

Koopa stepped on the left arrow and it took a step left. He stepped on the right arrow and it took a step right. Then he spread out his arms, jumped on the left and right arrows, and it also spread out it’s arms and jumped up in the air. He stomped on the buttons left and right while leaning his hands forwards and the machine ran around the room.

“Oh yeah! I am going to love this! Watch out, Yoshi because you are about to get boogied down!”

Malvin snickered. “Huge ugly machine that fights enemies... really expensive. Sweet equipment that lets you control it with your hands and feet... really expensive. Watching your boss make a complete fool of himself... priceless.”

- Y - O - S - H - I -

{Super Mario Compact Disco: 11) Super Mario World} or {Super Mario World “overworld” work-out remix}

“And one! And two! And work it! Work it now! Work those buns, you fatso! Come on!”

“Jikondo! I’m... going... to kill you... for this!”

“You can’t kill me if you can’t move faster than that. Work it now! Feel da burn! Let it burn your skin off! Don’t quit until your brain tries to kill you for this! Woo hoo hoo!”

Yoshi finally had enough and smashed the tape player with his foot. It too got awesomely blow’d up. But Jikondo didn’t notice at first.

“And work it! And strain it! And lose it! And... where’s the music? Huuuuuuh!! You murderer!”

“Jikondo, you have really lost it today! You said we would practice for a few minutes and it’s turning into an hour!”

“An hour IS a few minutes! Well guess what? Now I won’t give you your tasty little bananner!”

“Great! I don’t know why I even wanted it in the first place!” He screamed and ran away to go somewhere a little saner.

“Come back here! We can still make our own music. And you owe me a new tape player!!”

Yoshi searched around for his friends and found them helping set up for the outdoor dinner at the edge of the jungle. They were doing a great job and everything was starting to look good. He decided that he would help out and take a breather from his breathless dancing.

“Hey, guys! This is coming along well. Can I help?”

Yoseph set down a small wooden stool in front of a table and then turned toward him. “Hey, Yoshi. Sure you can help. We can use all the... woah! You have rainbow stripes on you today! Cool!”

Yoshi closed his eyes and groaned.

“What?” said another. “Are you serious? Oh man! I don’t believe it! Yoshi you look radical! Have you been sun bathing in a rainbow or something?”

Lily, Yoshi’s sister of his age, said “No I think he’s doing a commercial for Skiddles, that’s all.”

Another piped up. “Actually he’s the new spokesguy for Reading Rainbow! Butterfly in the sky... I can go twice as hiiiiigh!”

“What are you even talking about?” asked Yoshi. “Skidders? Reading Railroad? Have you all been eating fuzzies again?”

“Nevermind, they’re all idiots,” said Boshi while he balanced a strange-looking stick on his nose. “But you can join them idiots and help out if you want, Rainbow boy.”

“Great, but enough with the rainbow comments. I’ve been through enough today and just want—“

Boom! Yoshi’s words were cut off by something huge crashing at the other side of the island and made him jump a little. What now? He really hoped this was just an accident someone made and not another thing come to hurt him.

“Stop!” said Yoshi.

“Look!” said another.

“What’s that sound?” asked Yospeh.

“Everybody see what’s going down!” ordered Boshi. They ran towards the area they heard it but before getting too close, a peculiar loud noise drifted through the air and stopped everyone in their tracks. Soon they realised that it was actually music and it was seemed to be coming from the same area they heard the crash. And I believe the song was actually...

{“Hop, Mario!” from Dance Dance Revolution: Meow Mix… I mean, Mario Mix}

“Woah, what is that crazy sound?” asked Lily. “It makes me wanna... oh no... why am I dancing? I can’t stop my feet! I’m out of control!!” She began to take one step forward and one step back while swinging her arms from side to side.

“Ha ha ha! You goofball!” laughed Boshi. “The song isn’t THAT good. Oh wait... now I’m dancing too! Aaaagggghhhhh, how is this happening?! My reputation is quickly going down as fast as I boogie down!” He fell to the ground and spun around on his head.

“Can’t... stop,” said Yoseph who was throwing punches and tilting his head from side to side. “Losing... control. Losing... ability... to think. Help us... Yoshi. You must... stop it... from causing... ultimate dance fever.”

“What’s wrong with you guys?” asked Yoshi. “Quit joking around now. Why would this music be only doing this to you and not me?” But they didn’t say anything else and continued to dance. “Oh no... maybe this isn’t a joke. I need to get help.”

Yoshi sprinted towards the sound and grew more worried when everyone he passed by were also dancing around like zombies... that dance. He just couldn’t figure out why this was happening while he still felt okay. He soon got his answer when he stumbled upon the cause of this, the large golden robot Dan-Dan Rexolution. It was dancing around in one spot and playing music from inside its head, but didn’t look at Yoshi. However, Yoshi got a good look at it and didn’t react like he expected.

“AAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!! That’s the most ugly thing I’ve ever seen in my life! Well... I guess it looks sorta cool, but still... yowza.”

At that moment the song ended and the machine put his full attention on him. The Yoshies were still dancing though and doing quite well I might add.

“Ah, Yoshi... how are you doing?” asked the robot in a scrambled sound of Koopa’s voice. “How do you like the music? Hold it... why aren’t you dancing too? This was supposed to work for everyone! I’m gonna kill that little—“

“I don’t know why, but I do know that if you don’t return my friends to... uh... sub-normal this moment that you will be dancing in pain! Or... something. Man, that was a terrible word choice for a threat.”

“Get real, Yoshi. You may not be in dooty doot land like the others but I can still defeat you another way and that is... okay, what do I do now, guys? This doesn’t look too good. What do you mean the mike is still on? Oh... rats. What’s that? Ah-ha! Yeah! Thanks! Okay, as I was saying... you are going down, Mr. Y. Rex! Feast you eyes on this!”

Dan-Dan stared into Yoshi’s eyes and a strange blast of light came at him. Yoshi stumbled backwards and tried to adjust his vision. All he could see now were thousands of small flashing neon arrows moving upward, but soon they went away and he could see again. However... everything looked different! All of the colors on everything were now either a negative color, or flashing, or glowing. The sky looked like the inside of a huge rainbow lava lamp. Yoshi gasped at what he saw and wanted to puke but hid it from him.

“That’s all you can do? Make me see strange things? Wow, that is pathetic.”

“Oh no, I’m going to do much more than that! Soon you’ll be seeing your friends in Yoshi Heaven too! So... I just want to know... are you ready?”

“Yeah,” said Yoshi. Then both of them looked at each other and said at the same time, “Let’s REVEAL yo soul!!”

{Yoshi’s Island “Make Eggs, Throw Eggs” remix}

On the left side of the screen two health bars appeared, one on the left for Yoshi and one on the right for Dan-Dan, and they filled up just like in the Mega Man games. Then he jumped towards Yoshi and sent out a series of kicks but Yoshi dodged them. Then he charged straight at Yoshi and sent his fists flying like mad. Yoshi tried to find time to fight back but the thing was way too quick for him. At least he wasn’t getting hit yet.

“Looks like I’m gonna win this one, pal. Because even though we’re the exact same height, whoever has the longest arms always wins! Bwahahah!!”

“Yeah right. You can be the greatest fighter in the world... but it don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that swing! Oh man, I can’t believe I just repeated what Jikondo said. But now I get it! Hee hee.”

“Oh I got swing, baby, and I also got something else. See the title of the song? Prepare for trouble!” Dan-Dan suddenly jumped away from him and then laid a large bomb that looked like a black egg with red polka dots. He quickly picked it up, aimed it a Yoshi with his cursor (from Yoshi’s Island of course) and threw it at him. He did his best to dodge it but Dan-Dan tricked him by hesitating a second to throw it and then nailed him. The egg blew up in his face.

“Ha ha ha! Now look who has egg on his face? Have some more!” The robot laid more and more eggs and launched them at the poor dinosaur. Some of the eggs missed him but it seemed like he was receiving the blows from most of the projectiles. But then when he tried to lay more of them and nothing came out, he realized that his fun with that was over.

“Come on now! I thought I had more than that. I’ve been ripped off!”

Yoshi didn’t say anything this time but just took the opportunity to try and tackle him. However, at the last second D.D. dove straigh at his feet and Yoshi leapt over him. Then the robot immediately whirled around and grabbed Yoshi by the tail. He swung him around and around and then hurled him into some trees.

“YAAAAAAAAWWWW!!” Smash! Yoshi landed against the trees on his back.

D.D. ran towards him, pumped his arm back, and got ready to give Yoshi a huge punch in the face. But Yoshi quickly got an idea and put it to work.

“Hey, what’s that?” he asked, staring into the sky past him. “It’s a UFO!”

“Huh? Where?”

Kaboom! Yoshi kicked D.D. over and then jumped on top of him and gave him a few running kicks like in SSBM. The song ended, Yoshi’s vision returned to normal, and the health meter showed that Dan-Dan had lost almost half of his power. Yoshi had lost hardly any.

- Y - O - S - H - I -

Koopa refused to believe what had just happened. He turned off his microphone, got the robot to stand back up again, and screamed, “NOOOO!! He tricked me! How did that happen?” Everyone shrugged and kept their mouths shut.

“I’m sure that will not happen again, your highness,” said a goomba.

“Yeah, you can still whoop him!” said another.

“You bet I will. Hey wait... that’s it! Encouragement! Okay, everyone, I want all of you to support me while I’m fighting Yoshi from now on!”

“Uhhhhhhhh... okay,” said a Raven. “Go, Koopa! You can do it! Everybody’s watchin’ you!!”

“That’s not quite what I had in mind,” said Koopa with a chuckle as he continued to make the robot stay away from Yoshi.

“W-w-w-what do ya mean, sire?” asked Dr. K (who I threw in the story just now because I felt like it and don’t want to hear any complaining, ya hear?!).

One minute later all of the people in the castle were standing behind Koopa in several long, straight rows. Nobody looked happy at all, except Koopa.

“That’s perfect!” said Koopa. “Now... LET’S DANCE!” He stepped on the II button and then the up arrow and the next song began. Everyone behind him danced to the rhythm along with him.

“I can’t believe this is happening to us!” mourned Dr. K. as he threw his arms left and right with the others. “This is the END of our dignity!”

- Y - O - S - H - I -

Before Koopa had just put his troops in the worst torture ever, Yoshi was busy chasing the dancing machine around. “Come on! Quit running away from me, ya coward! Fight like the... thing that you are!”

“Alrighty then,” replied D.D. “Here comes song #2!” He stared into Yoshi’s eyes again and Yoshi, who couldn’t react in time, got hit again. He saw the arrows again but this time everything appeared like it was moving out of control, flowing back and forth like waves in the ocean (he was actually seeing what you see in Yoshi’s Island when you eat a fuzzy and the screen goes all whacky). Yoshi couldn’t walk straight now and felt like he seriously was going to puke.

{Fast jazz arrangement of Yoshi’s Island “Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy”}

Yoshi was in deep trouble now. With nothing to keep in balance and focus on the enemy, he was a huge target and Dan-Dan knew it. The robot ran around Yoshi a few times to see how fast he could react and then when he knew he couldn’t do defend himself, the mean dancing machine ran up to Yoshi and punched him in the gut 99 times in a row with the 100th sending him packing.

“Yeah! 100 combos!” laughed Dan-Dan. “Hey, these gloves vibrate when you punch him! Gnarly!!”

Yoshi flew into the ground on landed on his back again. The meter dropped half way down. “Oof! Guuhhhhhhhh!! OW! Man... I will get you for that somehow!” Despite how dizzy he felt and how the sky looked like a swirling pot of white and blue water, he attempted to jump to his feet and succeeded in not tipping over. He noticed that D.D. was already charging straight at him again so he kicked out his foot towards him as fast and straight as he could. D.D. jumped at the last second and fell towards Yoshi’s head but he narrowly dodged a major headache. It looked like it was time to think on his feet again.

No!, thought Yoshi. This is just unfair! I can’t see straight so I can’t hit him. The Yoshies can’t fight with me or give me adivce because they’re all too busy dancing to the songs (not that they aren’t good, I think they sound pretty sweet actually). I can’t use the environment to my advantage because it’s now against me... yow. I may be in trouble again. Looks like I have nothing left to do but go berserk for now!

He did just that and just kept spinning around and kicking repeatedly in every direction, even if D.D. wasn’t close to him. D.D. attempted to hit him between the kicks but never found an opening so he just waited to see if he would tire out. However, the music stopped before Yoshi did so that his vision also returned.

Dan-Dan shouted and stomped the ground. “It’s over already? No!! Well then I suppose we’ll just have to... play it all over again! Bwahaha!”

It stared at Yoshi and tried to start the song again but nothing happened. “It won’t work?! This thing is total garbage! And the worst part is—“ it paused and moved aside when Yoshi attacked “—that this part was MY idea. Come on! Play it again! I need this song so I can—“ it leapt away again to avoid a second strike “—take him down! How could I be such a... what? Fine then... I’ll do something else. Head’s up, twinkle toes!”

{“Les Patineurs”}

Yoshi and Dan-Dan suddenly stopped their fighting. Now they just looked at each other, listening to the wonderful music, and soon... they started to hold hands and slow dance together! Koopa nearly lost his mind when he saw that. He screamed as his jaw hit the floor and then tried to regain control. But it wouldn’t work for some reason. (Because the author was lazy and wanted an easy way to end the story! Nyeh heh heh!! Actually no.)

“That’s not what I wanted to play!” said Koopa in a humiliated panic. “Cut it out already, Dan-Dan Rexolution! Next song, next song!

{Chicken Dance}

The robot and Yoshi stopped holding hands. Now... they were doing the chicken dance!!! YAAAAAAY!! Buhda-buhda-buhda-buh, Buhda-buhda-buhda-buh, Buhda-buhda-buhda-buh! Clap clap clap clap!!

“Ah... ah... AAAAHHHHH!!!” Koopa’s face turned white and then red. “Why can’t I get this stubborn thing to do one little thing right?! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!”

A yellow Koopa Troopa behind Koopa, who was also doing the Chicken Dance (and doing it quite well I might add) said, “Heh heh... hey, look on the bright side! I mean... ain’t it great to be a villain? You can say or do anything you want to and it doesn’t even matter. Because in the end you’ll probably get thrown in jail or killed anyway. Right guys?”

Everyone disagreed with him except for Malvin who wanted to get fired anyway. Koopa just kept on moving through the songs until he could find one that wouldn’t make everyone act like chickens or hyperactive kids. Then he found one that would finally work and bring the story back to normal. If you could even call it that.

“FINALLY!! Who’s the prankster who put all of those stupid kiddy songs in there?! At least this big winner should make up for that! 3...2...1... GO!”

The party was off and the fight was back on! Dan-Dan once again blasted Yoshi’s brain and made him see the weirdest stuff so far. You thought that the last stuff was weird? Oh boy... are you ever in for a surprise! You want to know what he saw? Do you really want to know? How bad do you want to know? Enough to beg for it if I threaten to continue this later? Okay, I’ll stop with that.

What Yoshi now saw before his eyes was only the craziest, most bizarre, most random thing that you could ever see. The environment around him transformed into a very strange shifting world of flashing lights, strange floating objects, and much more. There were bright lazer lights, flying jelly fish, purple explosions going off, bouncing 3-D objects, twirling mirrors, trees shaped like corkscrews, and lots more crazy garbage that would really hurt your eyes. Basically it’s what you would see if the 23rd dimension collided with the special effects system on Mars (or just a special effects creator’s worst nightmare). And with that we now have...

{Super Mario 64 “Yoshi Valley” weird, wild, techno remix}

Yoshi knew exactly what was going to happen again and felt very sick of all this stuff, but he had no choice. His health was quickly falling and if he wasn’t cautious then this crazy thing could finish him off. So he watched to learn what Dan-Dan would pull this time and hoped that it would be the last song.

This time D.D. covered himself in a giant egg like the Yoshies do, and rolled towards Yoshi like a crashing boulder. (Yoshi used to be able to do the egg roll move also but now that his arms were so short it didn’t seem possible.) Yoshi jumped over him and prepared to land, but when he noticed D.D. rolling underneath him, he quickly hovered for a second and found a safer landing. The robot continued to pursue after him but Yoshi kept his distance and worked on a new strategy to end this infernal musical battle. Suddenly he noticed that when Dan-Dan popped out of the egg, he didn’t move for a second and that gave Yoshi a great opportunity to hit him, and he didn’t waste it.

Dan-Dan realized after a few of these attacks that he was just about dead, so he pulled off another trick and camouflaged himself into the unstable environment. Now Yoshi became really angry and yelled, “I’ve have really had enough of this stuff! You are going to die right now!!” Dan-Dan didn’t answer him this time but jumped straight at Yoshi and hit a few more times so now he really was in serious trouble. Yoshi tried going berserk again and when that didn’t work he formed a great new strategy by pulling a tree out of the ground and swinging it with him mouth like a bat. Soon he managed to smack the thing for the last time and the next thing he saw was a dented up robot lying on the ground not moving at all. The meter was empty and the world looked like it had come back to normal.

“Ha ha ha!! You just got a nice whoopin’ from a guy with tiny arms! How do you like that, boy? I am the champion! I’m am the greatest! I’m on FI-ya! Wait... why is everyone still dancing around?”

- Y – O – S – H – I –

Now Koopa really lost his marbles. “GAH!! YOSHI, NOOOOOO!! How dare you! You rotten little creature! My greatest, funnest toy is now broked! And you guys didn’t help me enough!”

The worn-out staff and soldiers didn’t respond but collapsed on their backs totally exhausted.

“How could this happen? It’s just so... hey, why is everyone still dancing around?”

A Troopa sat up and said, “Maybe... because... it’s not... destroyed yet... somehow.”

“That’s impossible. How could it still be working after—?“

“Excuse me, sire” said Dr. K holding 27 pieces of paper in his hands, “But I think you should read this part in the instructions. I was kind enough to read them so you wouldn’t have to... and so I wouldn’t have to dance anymore.”

“Yeah, what is it? Hmmmmm... ehhhh? Woah... a cheat code?! I didn’t know that! Awesome! Thank you very much, Dr.!” He threw the instructions aside and started making lots of big technical adjustments. He turned the volume up from “Too bloody loud” to “Parents kill the speakers,” turned up the insanity rating to “Holy cow, you must really be insane!” and then frantically hit several buttons on the dance pad in a certain order. “Heh heh heh... it’s not over yet, Egg Brain! Because now it’s time to jump up, jump back, and get the jump on you! Yah!!” He stomped on the few remaining buttons of the code and raised his foot over the last one that could make something terrible happen.

Right as his foot was coming down to activate the code... the image on the “screen” abruptly changed from that of inside a stone castle to that of a quiet room with yellow walls and a several long desks with the Nintendo logo and telephones on top of them. In front of the desks sat people dressed like Nintendo characters and were talking on their phones or writing things. Between the desks stood a tall woman with brown hair and glasses, dressed up like Princess Peach.

She looked right in the camera with a big smile and said, “Well that is certainly getting interesting! Hello, I’m Barbara Shmarbara and I’m pleased to be able to talk with you all right now. We’ll get right back to the show real quick but first I want to give you an opportunity to do something fun. As you know, we at NTV are dedicated to bringing you and your family great quality shows that the whole family can watch together and enjoy. Not just ‘The Legend of the Yoshisaurus’ that you’re watching now but also many other excellent programs like ‘Nature with Cranky Kong,’ ‘Wario’s Get-a-Clue Mysteries,’ and ‘Show Me Your Food: Speed Cooking with Captain Falcon.’ And we want to continue to bring you those quality shows but we can’t do it without your help.

“So we’re going to give you a chance to support us with your generous donations and also be able to buy some neat stuff too. Our good friend, Jack Bosnig, will tell us about that right now. Jack?”

The camera switched to another room with a small table holding several items arranged on it and the red letters NTV on the front of it. Beside that stood a man dressed up like a big green Yoshi with his face sticking out of the costume’s mouth. Jack nodded his head and smiled. “Thank you, Barbara. Yeah, kids, we have some GREAT things that your parents can get for you when they pledge their monthly support with NTV and you can only get right here.” Someone screamed out “Liar!” but Jack ignored him.

“So... yeah. First up we have this cute little plush talking Yoshi Zorus doll. It actually roars when you squeeze its mouth!” He pushed it to make the sound but it didn’t do anything. He pushed it again a little harder and still nothing. “What? Why isn’t... come on already...” he smacked it really hard a few times and finally it roared. “Ah there we go. Yes, that makes a terrific gift for anyone and is available at the $15 price level. You know what they say: Happiness is a room full of plush Yoshies! Yoshi!”

“Next up we have this very cool Legend of the Yoshisaurs T-shirt that comes in three different colors and three different sizes.” He held up a white T-shirt with a picture of Yoshi Zorus facing towards you and showing off his sharp teeth. Above him were the words in stone letters “Bite me, Koopa!” Jack continued, “This is also really cool and very comfortable to wear. My older son actually wants to wear one of these but they don’t make it in his size so that’s too bad. This shirt can be yours today if you pledge at the $35 level or higher.

“Moving along now, we have the Legend of the Yoshisaurus... DVD collection!” He held up a set of DVDs with holographic pictures of Yoshi and friends. “It has this episode that you’re watching right now (without this part of course) along with all 54 incredible episodes you can watch over and over again. Plus it has deleted scenes, fun little activities, and an interview with the maker of the show (so we can finally discover why he’s such a crazy hyperactive buffoon!). You can get this at the $75 price level. Oh, what’s that? Right. The $90 price level actually.”

“This next item doesn’t really go with the show but I guess it kind of does in a way. Our fourth item is a black foot rug to wipe your feet on, but not just any rug. This one is square and has four arrows on it just like one of those dancing mats that most teens are so obsessed with. It also says ‘Please don’t dance on this, stupid’ and I know your friends and neighbours will really get a laugh out of that. This is just $30 and looks great in your home or anywhere that you can wipe your feet.”

“Now this next item is something I think that everyone will really—“

2 HOURS LATER...

“And that’s everything we got! Remember that you can get all of these gifts at once in a package deal if you pledge only $750 or more. So beg your parents and let us give you the stuff! Barbara?”

The camera went back to the room with the desks. “Thanks, Jack. Yes, all of these items are available to you for a short time and you can send money by mail or on the ‘Ninternet’ as we call it by going to the site *site name censored because it doesn’t really exist*. Or you can call the number at the bottom of the screen which is *number is also censored because it too doesn’t really exist and we don’t want someone to get a bunch of calls from hooligan pranksters and get sued because of that*. Our friendly staff members are standing by and waiting to talk to you.”

Behind her the phones bagan to ring and the staff answered them. One particular guy in a Pikachu costume started to talk with someone but soon began screaming his head off for some reason. After a few seconds he slammed down the receiver and awesomely shoved the entire phone off the desk that hit the ground with a deafening crash. Barbara glanced over but pretended not to notice.

“Thanks again for watching us and continuing to support us with our shows. And remember if you can’t or somehow don’t want to pay for anything, you can still send us some of your best fan art of Yoshisaurus Rex and friends, because we would really really REALLY appreciate it. So now we’ll return to—“

“No!” shouted a skinny man dressed like Waluigi. He ran in front of Barbara. “Don’t do it! Don’t give them any money! I know these people... they just want to keep all of it for themselves! The creator of this show is just plain EVIL and wants to brainwash you all so you’ll believe whatever he wants you to! Change the channel! There’s still hope for us! There’s still hope for mankind!” While he went on this little freak out, two buff guys dressed like Mario and Link walked over and dragged him away. He continued to yell, “There’s still hope! There’s still hope! Save yourseeeeeeeelves!!”

Barbara sighed. “Uh... back to the show.”

The commercial break ended and the scene returned to the castle where Koopa was about to hit the button. But now he had both feet in the middle and had a very shocked expression on his face along with everyone else in the building.

“What. The. Yoshi,” was all he could say. His eye twitched like crazy (and made the popping sound affect from Yoshi’s Island).

“Uh... what just happened there, sire?” asked one. “I’m getting a little scared here.”

A spinie yelled out, “Alright, this is going WAY too far! How much more rediculous can things get? Is it even possible?! I mean, seriously... this is even dumber than a Hardees commercial!!!”

Someone else said, “I would have to say that it be even badder than THIS!” He pointed to an TV guide with a preview of an upcoming episode of Legend of the Yoshisaurus.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THAT!!” screamed a poor red Troopa who was at his wit’s end. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! IT’S TOO MUCH! I’M GETTING OUT OF THIS STORY RIGHT NOW!!!” He dashed towards the screen to try and escape but hit the glass and slid down. With nothing left to do he just ran around the place yelling and knocking things over. I almost feel bad for him.

Koopa still looked the same but tried to pull himself together and get back to the episode. “Uh... as I was saying.... it’s time to jump up, jump back, and get the jump on him! Here we go!!” He finally hit the button and started what could be the end of everything.

- Y – O – S – H – I –

Yoshi felt so confused. His friends wouldn’t stop dancing even though there was no more music and the source of the music was ruined. At the moment he was jumping up and down on Dan-Dan’s belly to try and break it apart, but this machine was really tough! But Yoshi was in for a nasty surprise when in half a second he found himself forcefully hurled away by something. When he got up and looked at Dan-Dan, it was still lying in the same position like it had never budged. The health meter for Dan-Dan rose by one point... then two... and then filled up to the top! But it didn’t stop there and went even higher so that there were two meters for him!

Now the robot was slowly getting up again and looking very ticked off at our dinosaur friend. Yoshi felt irritated all over again, but when he noticed how D.D. appeared much stronger than before and looked into the robot’s raging eyes, something made him feel terrified. And he had every right to feel that way.

Dan-Dan remained standing in his one place, staring at Yoshi with an angry smile on his face. He didn’t say anything for awhile and neither did Yoshi, but eventually it did.

“Well, Yoshi... congratulations for finally overcoming me. You won fair and square and did a great job. However, I think it’s time you know that robots don’t fight fair! So... let’s see how high YOU CAN JUMP!!!”

With that, he crouched down and jumped into the sky like a rocket, going so high that he looked like a tiny little speck. Yoshi strained his eyes in the sky to see where it was and where it might land. If he didn’t know better it looked like it might be coming straight... AAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!

Dan-Dan plummeted down towards Yoshi’s head so fast that he almost didn’t avoid the giant feet. And when it did hit the ground, everything changed one last time and it also began what could be one of the greatest songs in the world.

{SFX: Super Mario Bros 3 “power-up transformation”}

{“Jump to the Moon! (and Slam Dunk),” a super awesome remix of “Jump! Jump! Jump!” from DDR: Mario Mix with some other SMB3 songs too including “Hammer Bros. Battle,” “Underwater,” and “Koopa Kid Battle.” I know this has nothing to do with a Yoshi game but I would love this song like crazy. Wow, that was long.}

The very second Dan-Dan’s feet touched the ground, it created a shockwave in the ground that moved across the island and changed the world again. The ground became a black and white checkerboard, trees began to dance, the sky became a spinning kaleidoscope of moving pictures from NES and SNES Mario games, and everything became pixelated! (32-bit graphics to be precise)

Yoshi thought he had seen it all but now he thought his brain would explode. However he did his best to ignore it and concentrate on a way to end this once and for all. Dan-Dan kept jumping around trying to crush Yoshi and hit him with shockwaves. He dodged all of that again but then ran into another terrible problem when all of the Yoshies suddenly ganged up and threw tons of eggs at him! This was turning into nothing but a frenzied fight where Yoshi could die in one split second.

Dan-Dan stopped jumping at Yoshi and stood in front of him. Then he ran around him sideways and made several fake clones appear and surround him like a spinning wheel of blurry robots. Yoshi didn’t know who to hit so he he swung his tail around and went through all of them, only for the real Dan-Dan to grab him by the tail and throw him again.

As soon as Yoshi got back to his feet, he saw Dan-Dan open his mouth and fired hundreds of large sqaure bricks at him. Thinking fast, he didn’t try to dodge them but made his feet alternating between kicking, so he bounced the blocks right back at him. Only a few of them hurt him, but at least it caused some damage. However, his health meter was now so rediculously big that it didn’t matter.

Next, things got even crazier as Dan-Dan created more realistic holographs of himself and all of them attacked Yoshi but didn’t hurt him. That didn’t matter though because all of the distractions were enough to confuse Yoshi enough for the real Dan-Dan to sneak up behind him and kick him into the ground again.

Now there were only 5 health points in Yoshi’s meter. It all looked hopeless but then he realized something he had never thought of before. Use the force, Luke. There is no spoon. With great power comes great responsibilty. Don’t do that or you could poke your eye out! Actually... he realized that this whole time, his enemy had been attacking him along with the rhythm of the songs. So all he had to do to win was not stay on beat!

Yoshi got back to his feet, but this time he had a big smile on his face and confidence in his eyes. He felt like he was more than completely ready this time and understand what needed to be done and how. Dan-Dan noticed this abrupt change right away but didn’t think he could really do anything with five health points. So he lunged towards Yoshi again to punch him in the face. Whoosh! Yoshi moved his head to the right in slow motion. Other hand went to his face. Swoosh! Yoshi moved the opposite direction in slow motion again. He repeated this as long as Dan-Dan did, and when it finally tried to kick him, he jumped over the foot in slow motion and kicked him in the chest with a might kick. It was so powerful that it actually made a dent in the shape of a footprint! Now that is powerful!

Dan-Dan looked down at his metal abdoment and growled. “So, you’re finally getting the hang of it now, Yoshi? You can finally see the Matrix... and copy their moves and special effects just like everyone else has! Well I can do that too so get ready!”

The pace got much faster now and the mad robot moved even faster than before, jumping all around him and swinging his limbs. Yoshi kept up with him and dodged ever single move as he listened to the music and watched for patterns. When an opening came for attack, Yoshi saw it and used his feet to strike their target.

This went on for awhile and slowly but surely, D.D.’s health dropped to one bar while Yoshi’s only dropped to 3 health points. The robot decided it should do some new moves, so it ran away from Yoshi and charged at him like a full-moving train. Yoshi jumped to the left, then Dan-Dan moved towards him too, then Yoshi moved back the other way, got behind him, and hit him again.

Dan-Dan leapt high into the pixelated sky and Yoshi followed him. They hovered in mid-air and continued punching and kicking each other faster than anything (even though that’s defying gravity you know). Dan-Dan shot bombs from his mouth, lazers from his eyes, and plenty of other dangerous attacks, but still he couldn’t hit Yoshi. Then... the author couldn’t believe that the story had gotten so insanely long so he said... Yoshi eventually hit him enough to beat him and that’s all there is!

Yoshi’s foot gave the last blow to the machine and flung him into the ground so hard that he heard all of his inside parts smash apart. He landed too and watched to see if it was really over this time. How could anything, even a giant robot, survive something like that? Dan-Dan didn’t make another move, but he did do something else. From inside its head Yoshi heard a sound.

{Super Mario Bros 3 “Mario Dies”}

Then... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! It finally got blow’d up with a massive, colorful, blinding exblowsion that would make anyone go “Wow, sweet!!” And indeed it was very sweet indeed.

Yoshi’s island returned to the way it was before and the dinosaurs did too. Everyone just stood there and wondered where they were and why they felt so very tired.

“Did we finally stop dancing?” asked one. “Good!” And then he fell over.

“Oh thanks heavens!” said the mayor. “I’m back to my old self again. Thank you, Yoshi! Here is a banana that I found somewhere.”

Yoshi took one look at it and made a face. He never wanted to eat another banana again.

- Y- O – S – H – I -

“W-w-w-what?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Koopa went into a fit of rage and fell on the floor like an angry baby. Everyone else cheered that they could finally stop dancing and so they began to dance for joy.

“There, there, king,” said a Troopa. “Remember... smile will bring the sunshine days. Ain’t that right, dude!”

The ACRONYM salesman popped up and said, “It sure is, Bob! Thanks for watching everyone. See ya next time, folks!”

{“Footloose”}

Then everyone started dancing to the music again and the credits rolled... which consisted of no one but me and the composers of the music. The end.

{Super Mario World “Bonus Game Clear” played backwards} “Yoshi??”
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