 |
BACK TO
CRITIQUE CIRCLE
COMPLETE
INSTRUCTIONS HERE
CRITIQUE GUIDELINES
CRITIQUE TIPS
HELP TOUR
It's easy to critique the works of others and get your work critiqued. Just follow the steps below:
1) Post your first piece.
2) You must then critique the work of another member to post another piece yourself.
3) For each critique you give, you earn 1 credit that can be used to post another one of your writings.
4) You can build up credits to be used at another time by giving critiques to others.
Our Daily Devotional
HERE Place it on your site or receive it daily by email.
TRUST JESUS TODAY
|
|
 |
This is a rock song about two believers that get addicted to porn and strugge to escape. (Try and guess where I got the names from!) If the song could be made, I think it would rock if some of the music could have musical notes of internet dial-up sounds (even though some of us don’t have that anymore). You’ll also find I threw in a handful of internet jokes that may not make any sense to many. I’ll say once again, I’m not the best at this so I appreciate all of the advice you’ve got. What do you think? How could I improve? Is it too long or too bland? Thanks! (Only a rough draft of some ideas) Special thanks to rhymezone.com!
1 I’m wanna tell ya a story of two regular guys
About Sam the strong and Dave the wise
Both loved the Lord and loved their wives
And were always very careful to guard their eyes
2 While browsing on the web on a summer day
They stumbled on some pictures that lead them astray
With one click they were caught like fish in a net
Stuck in a prison of addiction that they would soon regret!
(short instrumental chorus)
3 (normal speed) Dave could take it no more so he fell on his knees
And begged God to rescue him from this sinful disease
With help from his friends and self-control from within
He managed to escape and find freedom again
4 Sam refused to let go with a guilty face
His marriage soon ended in pain and disgrace
It was a sad thing indeed for his friends to see
And sadder yet that it still happens in society
(chorus)
(lyrics at double speed, maybe even rap style) Like raging rapids that toss you around, torrents that threaten to make you drown. The devil’s distortion of God’s wonderful creation, a celebration of dark imagination. Great temptation to take down the nation with the sensation of gross imitation. Things don’t look the same when you turn on the flame that consists of temptation, pleasure, and shame. It’s like an evil game that puts you in chains and tries to pull you away from God’s saving claim. That’s why you need to beware and stay aware of falling into the lap of the inter-trap!
(music with message) You think you can handle it? O RLY? Don’t make me LOL! Can you hold fire to your chest and not get burned? No! It’s too addictive! It’s like drinking honey mixed with poison: it may taste sweet but it slowly kills you. If you mess around it could quickly own you! You could soon find that all your mind... will belong to them. (return to song)
(instrumental chorus with spoken code)
m4k3 4 c0...v3n4n7 w...1th y0u...2 3y35! {Make a covenant with your eyes}
5 Just like a web of evil... a net of sin
It’s so hard to climb out once you’ve fallen in
They go and ogle through their windows like a peeping Tom
Watch out, Mac! Someone set you up the bomb!
6 There’s still hope if you read the 81813. {Bible}
PTL that He can still set you free!
Run from evil, run to God, He’ll unchain your feet
It’s a sweet, leet deal that can’t be beat!
(instrumental chorus with beatboxing)
(big finish) Best.... thing... ever! R0xx000000rz!
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
|
|
 |
LOGIN HERE
REMINDER:
REMEMBER, this is a Critique Circle. Please try to give a critique to receive a critique. If you do not want to give any critiques, you can use the REGULAR ARTICLE SUBMISSION area. If you are unsure about how to critique, please use the CRITIQUE GUIDELINES and CRITIQUE TIPS.
|
VIEWING CRITIQUES:
To view your critiques that you receive on any writing, login to your account and click "CRITIQUE CIRCLE MANAGEMENT" to view all of your critiques and edit each piece. Then, click "VIEW CRITIQUES" next to the article title to view critiques on that piece. Comments on all of your writings when using the Critique Circle will not be displayed publicly as regular and writing challenge articles. They can only be viewed by accessing them from your account.
|
|
 |