Loosing someone is often times can be very hard on those exsperiencing it. How can I handle this pain? I thought God didn't give us anything we couldn't handle. Yet, I am still in great pain. I don't understand it. These are often the thoughts that float through their minds of someone griefing.
I can only tell you about the exsperiences I dealt with from loosing my son. He never had the chance to see is first birthday. I never got the chance of hearing him calling me mommy. That was what bothered me most and guilt. Guilt because I was ill at the time of his birth and I felt as though I did something wrong. I couldn't understand how a graceuos God could do something so unforgiving as this. I felt as though I was living someone elses life.
This was only the beginning of the worst of everything that was to come. Everywhere I went I would see pregnant women and I thought how that could have been me. Friends around me were pregnant and having baby showers and I couldn't attend. Why couldn't I? I couldn't because my sister was pregant not long after I lost my son. This felt like a slap in the face to me. I could not--notgo to the shower because it would be rude. I went anyway and the more I heard about their strech marks and all the ordanary things of labor. It set me back and I began to cry. I went to a back bedroom and cried on my mother's shoulder until everyone left. From that moment I could not attend a showe.
Time passed on by and the sound of a baby's cry bothered me everytime. Then is wasn't long after that,my husband and I had our share of difficulties and had to get a divorce. It was something I was not proud of. I was divorced and I knew what the bible said about divorce. That bothered me even more. I thought I would never get married again. Why would someone want someone like me that had baggage to them?
But it was not my discion. It was God's. He knows the plans that He makes for us. That is the wonderful thing about God. When we think our lives are incomplete that is when God steps in and makes it complete. I will give an example of that.
A year or two after my husband and I were divorce and I began a singles class at church I meet someone. I couldn't believe God could put someone in my life again but the wonderful part was I had a ready made family awaiting me. Two stepdaughters and a grandson at the time we married. It was not always peachy king but we made it through even with our trials. But a few years later we were blessed with another granddaughter and a another grandson. These grandchildren mean the world to me. They have helped me to deal with those issues I faced everyday of loosing my son. My world seem to be complete now.
I am not saying that replacing the ones you missed is the answer. Not at all because you will always have a place in your heart for them. What I am saying is that even though we are griefing God has a plan for our lifes. Whever he takes you is what He wants in your life. Your purpose if you will.
I guess if I had to summ this up is this letting go isn't always an easy adventure in our lives. All though we have God to be our navigator and to direct us to were we need to be. If we trust God and keep our hearts on Him he will help to learn how to let go.
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