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FOR FUN Hero and Nemesis Have The Talk
by David Ian
03/06/09
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HERO AND NEMESIS HAVE “THE TALK”


HERO
NEMESIS
BLAZING DAWN

(HERO & NEMESIS are in a restaurant or sidewalk café in superhero type outfits)

NEMESIS: And then you stepped up and said, “Pardon me, ma’am, is this villain annoying you? Stupendous Man is at your service” (laughs)

HERO: (awkward) Yeah…

NEMESIS: Boy! You foiled my plans on that day! Heh, Heh “Stupendous Man!” Too great, Stupe!

HERO: Good times, yeah.

NEMESIS: Yessiree, Stupendous Man thwarts “The Flying Mole” once again. Ha!

HERO: (weak laugh)

NEMESIS: That’s what I like about being your arch nemesis, Stupe! You’ve got class, Stupe! You’ve got class all the way!

HERO: Class, yeah.

NEMESIS: I mean, here we are, hero and arch nemesis having lunch together; Stupendous Man and The Flying Mole! You’re a class act, Stupe! A class act!

HERO: Mmmm, thanks.

NEMESIS: Hey! Want some clues as to what my next “diabolical scheme” is? Huh Stupe? Some “villainous taunting” from your arch nemesis?

HERO: No.

NEMESIS: Oh? Had enough taunting from your number one bad guy?

HERO: No, no need, really.

NEMESIS: I don’t mind! Anything for you, Stupe! You’re a class act and I’m your arch nemesis!

HERO: You’re uh, planning on vandalizing a public library.

NEMESIS: Ha! Always one step ahead Stupe! That’s what I like about you. One step ahead. How do you do that?

HERO: I…. keep informed—

NEMESIS: But… WHICH public library, huh? Which one? That’s the mystery! Where will The Flying Mole strike next? Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaaaa!

HERO: The main branch on Alder Street. Look, Mole, there’s a reason—

NEMESIS: That’s amazing! That’s amazing how you knew that. No wait—not amazing—Stupendous! That’s why they call you Stupendous Man! And I am his nemesis “The Flying Mole!”

HERO: Yeah, Mole, there’s a reason why I asked you to lunch.

NEMESIS: Go ahead, Stupe my man, I’m all ears. Gonna smack down the law of justice on me?

HERO: Not today—

NEMESIS: I’ve got a feeling Stupendous Man is going to shine the beacon of light and right and might right in the beady eyes of The Flying Mole. Well, am I right?

HERO: Maybe another time—no, not another time. And that’s what I’m trying to get at.

NEMESIS: I don’t follow you, Stupe my man.

HERO: Look, it’s just not working out, all right?

NEMESIS: What? What are you saying?

HERO: A hero has needs in a nemesis, Mole. And I’m just not getting that.

NEMESIS: Needs?

HERO: Needs to be challenged. Needs to feel good about what he’s doing. Needs to feel he’s doing a public service by thwarting some heinous activity.

NEMESIS: But you’re thwarting me, Stupe. The Flying Mole.

HERO: Yeah, not so much, really. And what kind of a name is that, anyways? “The Flying Mole”?

NEMESIS: A… villain’s handle?

HERO: You don’t fly, you don’t go underground--

NEMESIS: I do so have a secret underground hide away, you just don’t know where it is.

HERO: No you don’t have one, you live on 23rd street in a small apartment which is exceedingly messy and you owe back rent on it…

NEMESIS: Uh… wrong-O. I don’t live there anymore.

HERO: You don't?

NEMESIS: I, uh, got—evicted just this morning.

HERO: I’m a super hero and I need a super villain.

NEMESIS: I am a super villain!

HERO: No you’re not.

NEMESIS: You’re just jealous because I’m evil.

HERO: You’re not even evil.

NEMESIS: Am too!

HERO: What’s the most evil thing you’ve done, then?

NEMESIS: Well, what about the Mass Transit Chaos Caper last fall?

HERO: What “Mass Transit Chaos”?

NEMESIS: You know, with the city, up in arms, people everywhere, confusion, chaos—you know, the bus thing.

HERO: “The bus thing”? You made three people uncomfortable on a downtown bus. There was no chaos, you just, just-- annoyed them.

NEMESIS: But it was evil!

HERO: No it wasn’t. That’s the point. Your idea of evil is more—inconvenience than anything.

NEMESIS: This never came up before, Stupe.

HERO: And don’t call me “Stupe”. I hate it. Always have.

NEMESIS: (pause) You’ve got someone else, haven’t you? You got someone else for an arch nemesis!

HERO: Let’s just stick to the point—

NEMESIS: YOU DO! There’s someone else!

HERO: Look—

NEMESIS: Who is it? Is it Ermine the Vermin? It is! Isn’t it?

HERO: No, it’s not Ermine.

NEMESIS: So it IS someone! Is it The Electric Eel, that poser? Or what about that new girl, “Dark Skyes” or something? Or the Rude Gnome…!

HERO: That’s not what it’s all about.

NEMESIS: It’s me then, isn’t it? What’d I do? Just tell me, I’ll change!

HERO: Mole, it’s, it’s not you it’s… me.

NEMESIS: I don’t understand.

HERO: I just need some space, that’s all.

NEMESIS: Space? What does that mean? You’re a hero.

HERO: Things are just complicated right now.

NEMESIS: (hopefully) Have I complicated it? Have I made Stupendous Man overwhelmed?

HERO: No. More underwhelmed than anything.

BLAZING DAWN: Excuse me? Is this villain annoying you?

NEMESIS: Who’s this?

HERO: Uh, Mole, meet Blazing Dawn.

NEMESIS: Blazing Dawn? You don’t look like a villain to me. I’ve never seen you.

BLAZING DAWN: I’d say it’s a pleasure but that’d be a lie. And I don’t lie.

NEMESIS: This is who’s replacing me? She doesn’t look villainous at all—

BLAZING DAWN: Ha! Hardly.

HERO: I got a side kick down at the union hall.

NEMESIS: What?

BLAZING DAWN: And I’m ready to do battle against the Forces of Evil. As soon as we see some!

NEMESIS: Now wait a minute—

HERO: Blaze here suggested that should I upgrade my arch-nemesis.

NEMESIS: Upgrade???

HERO: And I have to say that I agree with her.

NEMESIS: How can you do this? We go way back--

BLAZING DAWN: You’ve been slumming too long, Stupendous Man

NEMESIS: Who asked you? We’ve had so many good times together.

HERO: Not so much, really. But I think it’s time I moved on.

BLAZING DAWN: You and I will make this town a better place.

NEMESIS: I think I’m gonna be ill.

BLAZING DAWN: For Might and Right and Light--

NEMESIS: Oh shut up! I’m outta here. You’re not going to have The Flying Mole to kick around anymore.

(NEMESIS Exits)

BLAZING DAWN: Weenie little guy, isn’t he? Well, at least he left you with the check, that’s something.

HERO: Yeah. Sad though. Thanks sis, I owe you one.

BLAZING DAWN: Any time, bro.


© 2009 by David Ian


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Member Comments
Member Date
Jacob Gibson 02 Sep 2010
Ha ha! That was too good. It's the superhero version of a couple breaking up. I love how lame the Flying Mole is (even the name is pathetic) and how he's much more annoying than evil. Although if you're annoying enough it can be very evil! Very funny stuff, I like the way you think.




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