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FOR FUN White Courtesy Phone
by David Ian
12/26/07
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WHITE COURTESY PHONE


CHARACTERS:

MAN: Waiting for a train
VOICE 1: Tony, a train announcer
VOICE 2: Stan, another train announcer
VOICE 3: Darla, yet another train announcer
VOICE 4: Peter the Supervisor

(MAN is standing in train terminal, he has luggage and tickets and is reading newspaper. He reacts with puzzlement, surprise, awkwardness, self-conscious expressions, grimaces, etc. during this whole exchange.)

VOICE 1: (squelch) Platform one, leaving for Chicago in five minutes.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, please call Stan at 259.

(pause)

VOICE 1: (squelch) Platform two, leaving for Los Angeles in ten minutes.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, would you call 259, please?

(pause)

VOICE 1: (squelch) Platform three, leaving for New York in seven minutes.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, please call Stan. I’m at 259. It’s …important.

(pause)

VOICE 1: (squelch) Platform four leaving for Pittsburgh in four minutes.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, I know you can hear me… Please call.

(pause)

VOICE 1: (squelch) Platform five leaving for Houston in six minutes.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, come on, I said I was sorry…

(pause)

VOICE 1: (squelch) Platform six leaving for Albany in two minutes.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Look, just give me another chance, Darla. Call me, you know the number, 259.

(pause)

VOICE 1: (squelch) Platform seven leaving for Albuquerque—

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, this is ridiculous, if you just give me a chance to explain.

VOICE 1: (squelch) (annoyed) Platform seven leaving—

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, I don’t think you’re being fair!

VOICE 1: (squelch) Dude, she’s not answering. Just deal with it.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Who is this?

VOICE 1: (squelch) This is Tony, and I’m trying to announce the schedule. Platform seven—

VOICE 2: (squelch) Schedule! My life is in ruins because of a misunderstanding and you’re trying to announce a train schedule?

VOICE 1: (squelch) Dude, it’s my job, okay? Platform seven—

VOICE 2: (squelch) --You’re heartless, Tony, you know that? Darla CALL ME!! Come on!

VOICE 1: (squelch) She’s not interested, okay?

VOICE 2: (squelch) How do you know? DARLA!

VOICE 3: (squelch) I have nothing to say to you, Stan.

VOICE 1: (squelch) See?

VOICE 2: (squelch) Shut up, Tony! Darla, listen—

VOICE 3: (squelch) Anything I have to say, I said last night.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Darla, don’t say that. We’re good together—

VOICE 3: (squelch) Maybe for you, Stan, but it’s not good for me. I told you that, last night.

VOICE 1: (squelch) Ouch! Crash and burn, dude.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Who asked you! Now butt out! Darla!

VOICE 3: (squelch) I’m done here, Stan. And that’s final.

VOICE 1: (squelch) Oh, by the way, platform seven leaving for Albuquerque—

VOICE 2: (squelch) Are you seeing someone else, Darla?

VOICE 3: (squelch) I’m not prepared to have this conversation, Stan.

VOICE 2: (squelch) You are seeing someone, aren’t you?

VOICE 3:: (squelch) Stan, please. Don’t make this harder than it is.

VOICE 1:: (squelch) Yep, she’s got it going elsewhere else, dude.

VOICE 2: (squelch) I’m gonna punch YOU!

VOICE 3: (squelch) Stan stop it!

VOICE 2: (squelch) Who is it? I’ll bet it’s Ben, isn’t it?

VOICE 3: (squelch) You leave Ben out of this!

VOICE 2: (squelch) Ben, will you pick up a white courtesy phone, please? Ben?

VOICE 3: (squelch) I’m warning you, Stan—

VOICE 2: (squelch) Ben, you weasel, pick up a white courtesy phone!

VOICE 3: (squelch) Ben has just been a good friend to me, Stan, nothing more.

VOICE 2: (squelch) BEN! BE A MAN AND PICK UP THE WHITE COURTESY PHONE!!

VOICE 3: (squelch) Stan!

VOICE 4: (squelch) What seems to be the trouble here?

VOICE 1: (squelch) Oh, great, here comes the supervisor—

VOICE 4: (squelch) Tony, don’t you have a schedule to announce?

VOICE 1: (squelch) Yes sir. Platform seven has… already… left… for Albuquerque…

VOICE 3: (squelch) Thank goodness you got here, Pete.

VOICE 2: (squelch) “Pete”? You never called him “Pete” before—

VOICE 3: (squelch) Stan please!

VOICE 2: (squelch) You’re seeing Peter the Supervisor, aren’t you?

VOICE 4: (squelch) I hardly think this is the appropriate time, Stan—

VOICE 2: (squelch) There’s an “appropriate time” for this sort of thing? I can’t believe she’s seeing “Pete” the Supervisor...

VOICE 1: (squelch) Hey, I’ve got Ben on the White Courtesy line, do you still need him?

VOICE 2: (squelch) NO!

VOICE 4: (squelch) Stan, maybe you should just take the rest of the day off—

VOICE 2: (squelch) Oh, that would be convenient, wouldn’t it? While I’m away you can just move in on Darla.

VOICE 1: (squelch) Sounds like he’s “moved in” already (snicker)—

VOICE 4: (squelch) Don’t make me fire you, Stan.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Look, let me just, do my job, concentrate on something else, and get through the day, okay?

VOICE 3: (squelch) Stan, if it means anything, I still care for you.

VOICE 2: (squelch) Yeah, sure. Just give me some space right now, okay? *Sniff*

(pause)

VOICE 2: (squelch) *Sniff* (light sobbing) (squelch)

(awkward pause)

VOICE 2: (squelch) (gains some composure, in a brittle voice) Platform eight, leaving…(choke) leaving for… New Orleans… in five minutes.

(This is MAN’s train, he picks up luggage & ticket and hurriedly exits)


If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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