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The Iceboxing Match
by Beth LaBuff 
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FaithWriters Five Elements Off-Season Mini-Challenge

Give me a fictional short story (and I mean SHORT) in any genre at all (knock yourselves out), BUT it must include references to the following:

1. The color purple;
2. A piece of fruit (but the fruit is not to be the purple item);
3. A letter (hmmm ... but what kind of letter? You decide);
4. A D & M conversation (that's "deep and meaningful," for the un-hip among us) between two people. (But that D & M conversation is not part of the letter); and
5. A twist at the end.

The Iceboxing Match

Please don’t try to adjust your refrigerator…changing the cool setting will have no effect on destiny. Resistance is futile.

It was an average kitchen, with your standard appliance-store-issue refrigerator. What transpired was anything but ordinary.

Monday was grocery day. With chicken on Tuesday night’s menu, a hefty four-pound Tyson™ roasting chicken was purchased. He was placed in the refrigerator awaiting Tuesday afternoon’s stuffing and roasting procedure.

Once the door was shut and the light was out, condiments were rearranged. Limburger Cheese cleared out the middle shelf for the evening’s main event.

In one corner wearing purple shorts was the new arrival, Tyson™ Chicken. In the other corners sporting mustard on his lapel was the hometown Hero Sandwich.

The referee entered and advised both contenders of the rules.

The Hero threw the first punch just clipping the Chicken’s wing. The Chicken broke out in goose bumps from the Hero’s crusty uppercut. A knuckle sandwich was delivered by the Hero just at the bell signaled the end of round one.

Rounds one and two went to the Hero. Pitiful described the efforts of the Chicken. The fans responded accordingly. A Tupperware™ burped in the back of the refrigerator spewing raspberries. The raspberries could be heard as they bounced off the walls while a Bronx cheer sounded from the New York steak.

Between the second and third rounds the red chili peppers tried to light a fire under the Chicken. “You’ve got to shake and bake it, man. Todo el mundo knows that your opponent is full of bologna.”

“I‘m getting grilled, but he‘ll be toast soon enough.” crowed the Chicken.

With one final attempt at exhortation, the chili peppers said, “Well, don’t let him wring your neck. Now get off your tail and do something.”

Round three began as the Chicken flew into a rage. The Hero was dazed and for a time appeared to be one sandwich short of a picnic. It looked like a TKO for the Chicken. Just as the referee began a standing eight-count the Chicken did something no one anticipated. The Tyson™ Chicken grabbed the Hero Sandwich and took a bite out of him. Cries of “fowl, fowl” were heard above the referee’s whistle. Immediately the bout was stopped and the Chicken was plucked from the ring and disqualified.

Tuesday evening, dinner time: The aroma of roast chicken wafted through the house. A quizzical eyebrow arched as the cook removed a scrap of purple cloth and a part of a bologna sandwich from the chicken’s anterior cavity along with the cornbread stuffing.

We now return control of your refrigerator to you.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Randy Foncree 01 Nov 2011
Wow...just incredible...I could see this playing out in my mind...fun! God bless you in your writings; you are gifted...
Gerry Bloemendaal 26 Sep 2009
A wonderful show, it was an unfolding spectacle. Good fun!
LauraLee Shaw 08 Aug 2008
Oh my, I am in stitches! Your imagination and creative wit overwhelms me! I shudder at the thought of the conversations in my refrigerator, especially between that of the dried spilled jelly and the wilted lettuce crumbs. SHUDDER! You are so brilliant.
Sara Harricharan  08 Aug 2008
VERY, VERY well done! Simply hilarious and wonderful! I think this is one your best pieces yet, story wise! Excellent job, Beffy! ^_^
Joanne Sher  08 Aug 2008
And I thought you didn't DO fiction! LOL Soooo funny and clever and too punny! Great stuff.
Shirley McClay  08 Aug 2008
Oh wow... you are one creative writer! This was hilarious!
Ed VanDeMark 13 Jun 2008
You're obviously knowledgable about the sport of pugilism. Can you add one element to the challenge and write an equally briliant story based on NASCAR Racing? I agree with other comments your mind doesn't run toward re-runs, this is both original and fun. I love writers that give me the unexpected...keep up the good work.
Linda Watson Owen 27 Oct 2007
ROFL!!! Beth, as a chronic and insatiable lover of puns, I absolutely loved this really COOL tidbit!!! What a hoot! Mike the Bite Chicken and his worthy opponent Hero are delightful characters in this animated romp! Great stuff, dear friend!! ;-)
Suzanne R 05 Oct 2007
Gorgeous - and really well written. I wonder what is happening in the fridge in this house right now???? LOL - such a fun article!
lauren finchum 05 Oct 2007
Clyde Blakely 04 Oct 2007
You got my vote for a great and hilariously funny, delightful piece here. Great imagination! Thanks for the laughs.
Marita Vandertogt 02 Oct 2007
Hilarious! I didn't catch what the twist was - but it was so much fun to read it doesn't matter.
darlene hight 02 Oct 2007
thoroughly enjoyable! I agree with Deb - your mind does work in strange ways :>
Deborah Porter  01 Oct 2007
Beth, your mind works in strange and mysterious ways--and I LOVE it! Thanks for the laugh--right down to the surprise discovery at the end. I got the TKO for the letters, and the D & M conversation there toward the end...well, as D & M as it can be between a chicken and a bunch of chili peppers. Loved the raspberries and the bronx cheer. It almost makes me want to go and peek in my fridge to see what's happening. I think I might be missing out on something. Love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Marilyn Schnepp  01 Oct 2007
A delightful read, but unless I'm mistaken I found no "letter" and no meaningful conversation between two persons. Perhaps I'd better read it again. I thought it very, very creative, however. A fun read!
dub W 01 Oct 2007
Very strange, but entertaining. I suppose the TKO serves for the letters. Thanks for sharing this delightful piece.
Verna Cole Mitchell  01 Oct 2007
Fun, fun, fun...you did it.


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