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I woke up December 1st, 2018 to the news that my grandad had passed. I was sad, but it didn't hit me quite yet. I went into work, not saying anything to anyone until it was time for me to leave. The last time I dealt with a loss I was 12, my great grandmother who raised me from birth, passed in her sleep. I went to school the next day, in the pouring rain! What was I thinking right? My BFF Nema said 'Stacey you're crazy, your grandmother just died and you're in school? If it was me, I would be bawling my eyes out." She was pretty close to her grandmother as well; she was raised by her.
I guess we all deal with death differently. Go figure, 19 years later and I dealt with it similarly. Maybe I didn't know then and I don't know now, how to deal with death. What I did know now, is that I had to lean on God, not friends or relatives. My relatives on the grandad side were pretty far anyway. Most in Trinidad and other US states. He sure knows how to get us alone with Him.
Sunday afternoon it got to me. I picked up my phone to text grandad and it dawned on me, he's gone. I started scrolling through messages back to 2016, and tears started flowing, I was ugly crying (thank goodness I was alone). You'll know the kind I'm talking about.
Well, Monday, I didn't know if I should go to work or not, not sure if I could've held it together when those random moments came, and I can't control it. I went into work as I've never missed a day since I started in, 1.5 years. I requested bereavement and situated some clients for my return to work. I couldn't talk about it without crying. So, it was the time needed to get myself emotionally together.
Proverbs 15:13
"A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken."
A few months before, I had this burning desire to write, however when I picked up my laptop to start writing my fingers won't do anything. It's like I knew what I wanted to say. I mean I had A LOT I wanted to say but nothing came on screen. I'd close the laptop and find something else to do. I said maybe it's not the time just yet. The desire never left. As I got home that Monday evening, that burning desire to write, came right back. I settled myself, opened my laptop and boom! This is the first thing I wrote. I continued to finish this website and created my logo, in less than 2 hours.
1 Peter 5:6
"Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."
I remembered a sermon I listened to the day before, from a pastor I heard on tv, The Power of the Prompt. The Holy Spirit started ministering to me in my kitchen. Talk about an on-time word! God is a very PRESENT help, He will find you wherever you are, both emotionally & physically, and bring you precious peace. He knows what you need. If you have an ear to hear and eyes to see, you will see Him work in your life every day.
Philippians 6-7
"6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Grandad’s passing was the beginning of God's prompt to my purpose, and me executing it. Testifying the greatness of God through this blog. Faith is Action.
So here I am. This is just the beginning.
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