Illness
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Hi. My disease has played a huge part in getting me to trust in God.
I'm going to tell you about a time in life when my disease Propionic Acideamia was slowly killing me. I was 10, a child who's happy, just wants to be normal, but tired all the time, catching any bug that's going around. She will eat, but barely enough to survive.She already has a high calorie formula mixed into all her drinks. My mum could tell me, "If you don't finish what's on your plate, you won't get desert?" The problem was, I wouldn't care. I don't think I feel hunger like others do.
My drs had talked about nasal gastric feeding, but I did eat and they didn't want me to stop as many kids with conditions like mine, rely on this sort of feeding entirely. (Nasal Gastric feeding is exactly what it sounds like, they put a tube up your nose, down your osephegus, into your stomach and feed you liquid nutrients.). So I was 10yrs before the drs and my mum, decided enough is enough. 10yrs of being around hospitals and knowing it was the kids who didn't make it, who got this treatment. I wasn't going to be one of them! I fought and I was strong willed, but I got that from my mum....so...
The first night was the worst I can recall. It was so uncomfortable.I was too embarrassed to even walk outside my room, because in my mind, it made me LOOK ill. I cried so much, inspite of my mums distractions. I would most certainly have pulled it out, had I not been warned, we'll only put it back in. Anyway, come the morning, the feed was over, I was like "GET IT OUT!" They were unwilling - we'll have to put it back tonight. I was determined to feel normal again and anyway I was going to plead my case with my specialist - so they took it out.
At this point, I prayed. I had been brought up Catholic, but had accepted Jesus 2 years earlier. It was a prayer of "Lord, I hate this. Get me out of here!'" There was no "Thy will be done" at the end of that prayer.
I talked to the specialist and he said "try again tonight. If it's still as bad, then we'll have to come up with something else." So I went into that night, very unwillingly, but with the knowledge that I only have to get through tonight and then tell him how bad everything is and it'll all be over.
This is where God stepped in. The peace that I felt was unlike anything I've experienced before or since. It could only have been God.It overwhelmed me. First try, they put the tube down into my lungs, (which is the only time in 19 months of doing this, that it happened!) They got it in the 2nd time, but His peace remained with me throughout that night. I still didn't allow them to keep it in during the day.. However when my specialist asked me about it, I couldn't lie. I had to tell him it had been better.
God answered my prayer, but it took time. He answered the prayer that I hadn't even uttered as well - He got me through it. It wasn't pretty, it was far from what I wanted, but it was what I needed. God promises to supply every need, not every whim or fancy - if He did that we'd all be millionaires! The process got me to a normal weight, so I could do far more and didn't end sucume to every illness flying around. I had endured nasal gastric feeding for 19 months and yes, I stuck to my only at night rule - I was proud. Then they put in a gastronomy which is where they put a peg where they pump the fluid straight into the stomach. It came with a new set of problems, but I could cover the peg with a t-shirt. I was 19 yrs old when they finally removed the gastronomy - it was no longer needed - I was eating enough.
John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you."
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