Poetry
It wasn't a door
Instead it was a
Pinterest board
There I nailed down
my 95 theses
No - I mean
my 95 pins on
'Spiritual Abuse'
In the great cloud of witnesses
Martin Luther looked on
amused - I'm sure of it
Then I hid
I shut down for awhile
My life was not
at stake
but hell certainly did
pour out
its rage
I spent time in
my Wartburg Castle cage
but unlike Luther
I did not write
But I did wait
I simply asked 'WHY?"
I always have
been a questioner
like Habakkuk
like Job
If I can't get the answer
then knock on my door of
with repentance
Scold me if you have to BUT
Reveal Yourself to me
Silence
I'm not sure if
God designed me
with a pull
to get to the bottom of it
to get to the root of it
to go down the rabbit hole
until the truth unfolds
none-the-less
I went there
down in the deep,
dark, ugly hole
alone
but not
alone
FLASHBACK
What was Martin
labeled by the
religious leaders of his day?
Heretic
Rebellious
Out-of-order
all the old cliches
I've been called almost everything
and it REALLY hurt
RETURN FROM FLASHBACK
but now I'm just not phased
How did my heart become this way?
This is something
Luther said in his day
Scripture 1st
Conscience 2nd
Church leadership 3rd
That being said
I finally SPIED the problem
and - surprise - it wasn't me
the deception came from
who was leading the leader
rather his slight-twist of teaching
But where were the Bereans?
None were in this stream
When no one reads the Book
for themselves
it's easy to deceive
Hours of researching
on spiritual abuse
Hours of searching
the Bible for truth
about New Testament
leadership and old
about the religious spirit
and all the scripture passages
used to control
I took them all
one by one
and I faced them
historically
contextually
through the lens
of the New Covenant
to find their true gold
I was enlightened
and delightened
and like Luther
became less and less frightened
by the established protocol
Everyone knows I hate the word protocol - so why do I use it?
A moment of heaviness
lifted when I found a letter
of a man who had been held by
the same type of fetter
'cept his struggle
lasted for ten years.
It ruined his health
marriage
ministry
and all he held dear
My own struggle only
lasted less than a year
So what is the lesson
in all of this?
I was sure it would lead
to reform - there was -
but not quite how I envisioned it
The reform came instead
from inside of me
for the FIRST time in my life
I genuinely thanked
the Lord for the
Discerner in me
It has kept me free
But here's the hard truth
Here's the deal
On judgment day
you can't blame a pastor
for steering your wheel
You've got to take it
and drive with God
and a good undershepherd
would truly applaud
But to all of those people
who just follow along
would they hear the words
I do not know you
A different kind of pain hit me
The pity turned
from me to them
I am writing this
not to gladly condemn
I've got flaws
so did Luther
so did Wilberforce
they were just men
This is what makes it so
hard in the end
I am still working on my identity
issues my friends
Then God sent me
to a place
I thought it was
just a reprieve
But when I didn't return
The Holy Spirit began to grieve
I bought a new car
with a limit in miles on the lease
And the drive was just was too far
but I had not permission to leave
So I had to return.
Some time passes
I'm healing
I'm getting in the groove
I'm finally getting on my feet
But I was sitting down
Which I shouldn't do
Not in worship
but
after a few songs
I sensed
What God was telling me - without words - if you can believe
Because it was coming more from images and feelings
If you don't do your part
If you don't prepare the way
The dream we've touched upon
will never come this way
You've experienced it in portion
You've tasted a little sip
You can imagine what I'm going for
So just get on with it.
This is the time
This is the season
This is the place
For this very reason
You were born
The first spark of revival came from the inside
of a Wittenberg gate (not door)
It was small
It was a drop
I wish it were more
But it was not
Did you sense it?
The freedom
The throne room
All people
taking their place
playing their part
not for the pastor
not for their glory - to become great
but for God's heart to take center stage
But we had not reached it
But we were on our way
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