Kids & Parenting
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The mini van was dusty, as usual, and piled high with school books, a crock pot of beans, and five kids. I can only claim four, but now that the kids are older, there seems to be an extra at hand much of the time. It's good for kids to live life together.
The oldest son is turning eleven on Saturday, and we're headed to Walmart for Oreos and gummy worms. We've already put in a long day at home school co-op, but this seems to be the best time to get those promised dirt cake ingredients.
Today, we all look clean and are dressed well. I'm glad, because trudging the isles with five in tow is considered crazy ridiculous, done only by crazy women who sigh and moan and wish to be delivered from the mess of kids long before they're grown. Some days, though I love mothering, I join the crazy mob, wear my ugliest clothes, and pin my hair up in the messiest bun one has ever seen. Even the kids laugh at me, standing there with a strict tone to my voice and hair all askew.
One day, they will know. Like, Really know. And they will never, ever laugh again!
I think motherhood a badge to be worn proudly, even though just this morning I spent thirty minutes on the phone debriefing with my husband. While I did that, all hidden away in the bathroom because that's the only safe place for a mama to hide, the kids were creating more havoc in the dining room where they were supposed to be studiously hovering over books.
So, how do we successfully escape those head-knocking days when the kids fight all day and the laundry piles high and we hear the same word �mama� two hundred times in twelve hours?
We hear it often, this idea that moms need to escape for �girl time�. I agree. Times out with friends [or on my own] refresh me greatly. But I think there's more.
The first thing, for me personally, is to love what I do; to sink into it, to embrace this time fully, like wrapping my arms around it with both hands. Knowing you're exactly where you want to be is the first step to making something work well.
The second thing is to shun laziness and do everything required to make a house a home. Wash those windows, cook that meal, fold that laundry whether your spirits are soaring or not. Living each day faithfully means the years unfold beautifully, and your house is truly a home. We forget the importance of our job when we begin loathing small tasks like scrubbing toilets and packing lunches. What would the world be like if no one did those things? Terrible, right? Which makes our homemaking duties imperative.
The third thing is what I've been getting at. More than escaping our mommy world for a night out, we need to make our mommy world a haven.
You can't truly be refreshed by a night away if the bulk of your life wears you thin. It's a bit like suffocating while believing we will stay alive with one tiny gasp of air.
What wears us down most? Fighting kids? Then let's make it our goal to reduce fighting. If one child wears you out daily, find out what you can do to get him over himself into being a loving contributor to your household. I've seen homes of six children or more function with more peace than many homes do with two. If you need wisdom in this area, by all means, find someone who can help you. We owe it to our kids, the world, and God to have the wisdom and training it takes to lead them to peace.
Do chores tire you each day? Perhaps some need to be eliminated. It took me awhile to let go of high goals and begin buying more foods rather than make them. When you are in a full season of life, there is no more goodness in making your own food than in purchasing it.
�Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred.� Proverbs 15:17 ESV
Because mornings have been full and stressful for me, my kids sometimes make their own bowl of oats. I'm not less of a mama for not cooking eggs; in fact, our five year old thoroughly enjoys pushing chairs around to reach the oat container, he feels big to be pouring his own milk, and he loves drizzling honey. My husband makes the coffee, and I pack his lunch the night before, which frees me up to make his breakfast.
What are your stressful moments? What exhausts you most each day? Did you know you are a loved daughter of the King, Whose will for you is to be more than a surviving robot worn so thin you can't even relate to your status as royalty?
Yes, you may be surrounded in a mess each day, but there are ways to get the mess in your heart under more control than the mess in the house. If we can't do both, let's at least do the most important! And if your kid's attitudes create a messy atmosphere, find out what you can do to help your child, and thus, help yourself.
My husband knows how to train a strong willed child better than I, so implementing what he says helps me. Sometimes I even ask the other kids when my brain feels overloaded. Surprisingly, they stand on the sidelines watching, with great ideas on how to train the other child. They know her; they know me.
My one dear child, though sweet and beautiful, is quite strong willed. Yesterday, I tried something new. Disrespect to mama means her privileges are taken away for the day. This includes all technology, all classes outside of the home, trips to the library, and sometimes even good food. The next morning, we begin afresh and she gets opportunities based on the respect she shows her mama during that day. This way, she has motivation to change because if she doesn't, her life changes in ways that will be drastically unpleasant.
I'm a softie, and softies don't like the hard. This means a strong willed child won't get the repercussions needed to create change. A lesser discipline won't be worth her sacrifice, and the days will unfold with the same issues causing the same tension in the atmosphere. The kingdom of heaven is marked with solutions-- not problems-- and we can rest assured that tension of this nature definitely has a solution.
Do we clearly see that we don't have to put up with the things that make us want to lose it? The tension we feel is not from our Father.
Slow down, end the vicious cycle. Eliminate activities, even good ones, if your family is always on the go, go, go with more stressful moments than are good for anyone. It's up to us to chart a course that makes way for moments in time to unfold, rather than crash, upon us and our families.
Last night, due to all screen time and activities being removed from her life, we found ourselves together, alone, chatting and laughing and sharing hearts. This never would have happened had I not taken the disrespect seriously and taken action. She would have continued the rushing about and most likely would have had another day of dishonoring those around her.
Instead, I hear her beyond my bedroom door dancing with the rest of the kids, singing, and making a tea party for her younger sister and friend. Kingdom solutions make for heavenly moments. Jesus even asks us to pray in this way, �Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.� [Matthew 6:10 ESV]
We all do better giving advice on the sidelines than we do implementing good advice in the thick of things. This is why it's so vital to pause in our mothering rush and take inventory before the months flow into years and we end up wondering how we could have allowed things to slip this long.
Today, take inventory of your life, and dare to make some great, big, sweeping changes! Or, dare to make ones so small you don't see, as of yet, now large the impact will be on your heart. Whatever you do, don't keep pushing, because pushing so hard against a load too heavy will doubtlessly push you right beyond the realm of wholeness and grace.
It is your privilege, even as a mother, to live fully, to walk in wholeness, to breathe grace.
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