Children
Does your child have trouble expressing their anger? Do they call names when angry or hit when mad? Does your child still appear to be going through the terrible threes when it comes to expressing his anger? Are you wondering how to teach your child how to express their anger in a way that pleases God?
Anger is one of the most difficult emotions to express, especially for children. Because anger is so hard to express, children often feel that it is wrong to feel angry. As a result, they may avoid feeling angry or react in a negative way once they start to feel angry (i.e., yelling, hitting, etc.). It is important to teach children that it is okay to feel angry and that it is what they choose to do with their anger that makes a difference.
When a child avoids feeling angry or keeps anger stuffed inside of them, they may develop negative health consequences. On the other hand, letting anger out in a way that does not please God can have immediate and dangerous consequences. As parents and caregivers, God has entrusted us with the responsibility of teaching our children how to recognize and manage their anger in a way that pleases Him. So, to help you accomplish this goal, here are 6 suggestions.
1) Help your child understand the purpose of their anger. When your child is not angry, explain to your child that anger is one of many feelings God gave them. Since God gave them all their feelings, including anger, assure your child that feeling angry is okay as long as they don’t sin (Ephesians 4:26). Then explain why God may have given humans angry feelings (i.e., it is our body’s way of telling us something is wrong). Ask each child about times he or she felt angry and help them identify what was wrong. Show understanding of his or her feelings and what was wrong at the time. Be sure to talk about times you felt angry, what was wrong and how you managed it in a way that pleased God.
2) Teach your child what God says about anger including the fact anger is one of many feelings God gave them. For example, show your child that the Bible says it is okay to be angry, as long as you don’t sin (Ephesians 4:26). Other Bible verses you may want to read with your child include…
3) Teach your child the warning signs that they are becoming angry. Anger can be caused by many factors. Sometimes the cause of anger can be easily identified, other times it cannot. No matter the cause of anger, we can recognize the warning signs. Some warning signs are a racing heart, dry mouth, balled fist, talking loud and shaky voice. Helping a child recognize the warning signs of anger can help them manage their anger in a way that honors God and keeps them out of trouble. When you see anger signs in a child, point them out. For example, you could say, “I noticed your voice is changing. Are you starting to feel angry?”
4) Help your child develop ways of coping with anger.
- Teach your child to use deep breathing to calm down. Make sure your child is breathing in through their nose and out through their mouth. (Using bubbles is a great way to teach deep breathing).
- Teach your child that time-outs are not punishments but can be used to help figure out why they are angry and what to do about it.
- Some children may enjoy listening to music when angry; help your child figure out if music helps them calm down.
- Encourage your child to seek help when needed, either by asking an adult, trusted friends, or God through prayer.
- If your child feels the need to hit something, encourage them to punch a pillow or if you feel the need to hit something, punch your pillow.
- Make sure your child gets plenty of rest. (It is often hard for adults and children to handle their anger in a way that pleases God when they are tired.)
- Help your child make healthy eating choices. It can be hard to control anger if your body does not feel good on the inside.
5) Model good anger management. As an adult, it is beneficial to model good anger management. For example, if you find you are raising your voice at a child, you could say, “I feel myself getting angry; I am going to take a break and calm down.” You may also want to use other words to help a child identify feelings, such as disappointed, annoyed, irritated, frustrated, mad, furious. When you find your self experiencing each of the above emotions, it can be helpful just to label them.
Yes, anger is one of the most difficult emotions to express, especially for children. However, with the help of a loving adult, each child can learn to express anger in a way that pleases God. What ways have you found to help your child express his anger?
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