For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.
The Bible is clear we don't wrestle with flesh and blood. There is a spiritual reflection going on in the heavens with every action but what WE do releases things. You release angels to fight for you or you release demons to get you into bondage.
The bottom line is that sin gives the enemy a right into the persons life. If you are abusive you give the enemy a right to work on that part of your nature. If you repent the enemy has no more room to move but you may need some prayer to be free of the bondage because specific habitual sin brings about a curse.
Abusers will have picked up an abusive demonic influence on their life but the choice to sin is NOT the fault of the demon. It makes stuff more difficult but we are responsible for what we do. There are specific laws. Sin and repent and then Jesus sets you free. Sin and repent and turn around and sin again and you give yourself over to the enemy in that area. Habitual sin gets a judgment. God disciplines us by letting it get as bad as it gets when we are out of His will and law even though in terms of salvation we are saved by the skin of our teeth. (Well we all are saved in that way but what I mean is it is the honest belief we are following Jesus to the best of our ability that keeps us. It is when God shows us clearly it is sin that a thing puts us outside of the will of God.)
The issue of forgiveness is a non issue. We are told to forgive or Jesus will not forgive us. That hits most of us in the solar plexus because abuse is very very difficult to forgive. I cannot tell you how it is possible but I did find you could forgive abuse. I knew the day I sat and wept for the lostness of my ex just longing for him to know Jesus that the battle to forgive was won. It is why I won't often talk of the bad stuff now. If you forgive even abuse it is over, done and finished and to keep on is to show yourself you did not yet forgive. It does not mean you trust that person again. Trust is won over time. However forgiveness has been freely given to us and Jesus was so very clear.
I am going to throw in a few bombshells. Stuff I have learnt through the process of healing from abuse and divorce and why I think I was able to heal so well. I stress I talk about oppression not possession. Very few people are truly possessed but in deliverance then the demons do use the infected persons voice.
When we are abused we may without realising become prey to victim spirits.- demons that will latch on to that 'victim' mentality. Victim spirits are demonic. Demons talk to each other and they will find abusive spirits to be with and vice versa. It is the same stuff as the reason why a homosexual or drug addict in any city will find out where the action is without asking.
This is why we might find we meant not to get abused again but we manage to get picked on by another abuser. Those demons seek each other out. We may need deliverance from victim spirits.
That seems unfair but if you think about it; putting yourself in the domination of any form of control is to make a God out of that thing. It takes the focus away from the one true God and gives a sort of glory to others. That is why we need to repent of having put ourselves in a controlling situation (no matter what the controller did) and why when we know we have been controlling we need to repent. We demanded what should be given to God.
Every one of us has stuff in the generational line that may mean that we are prone to certain things. We may have inherited abusive or victim stuff from our forefathers (or mothers) and that can be like a generational curse. However that said; there was a day we reached an age of accountability before God. We have a conscience and a choice to choose to go where that sin led OR to say no. It is harder to say no when generational stuff is involved and I am starting to believe there is value in doing a kind of generational check on new Christians and breaking all bondages.
Nobody should ever be delivered of anything unless they are prepared to put their all in with Jesus. Sweeping a house clean and then bringing back seven more devils is a dangerous position to lead people into. But I now believe many abusers do need some deliverance ministry IF they are repentant and so do victims. Being a victim can be a mind set we don't want to lose. It is scary NOT to be a victim for some of us.
I think this lack of attention to deliverance is where it often goes wrong. We leave the lid on and expect the stuff inside to be emptied out. You cannot heal a demon. All the counselling in the world won't set someone free while the lid is on. Specific prayer is good as long as the person is repentant. But that is the key - repentance. I do also believe if that prayer is not available then concentration on praise and worship may set the person free.
We are responsible for what we do. ALL of us including victims. I don't mean we are responsible for the abuser's sin. I do not mean we should stay. I do mean we are responsible for the heart response. I have a feeling if we looked at our own hearts God would deal much better with the abusers in our life.
I think with abuse the biggest temptation to sin we have is that we so desperately do not want to forgive and we want to keep our anger. I know now that God sorts it when you give it up and let him do the sorting. I am pushing out a challenge here.
Not saying don't leave.
Not saying the abuser is testing you.
If the abuser is bringing you oppression then get out.
Not saying God intends us to live with abuse.
I am saying lets get rid of victim mentality and of any abusive traits we picked up in ourselves and get the forgiveness angle right. Salvation through lack of forgiveness is too precious to lose. Let no man ( or woman) steal your crown.