Communication
Dear friends and family,
Yesterday, I shared a lot more than I had anticipated with my ‘FACEBOOK’ friends. However, I consciously made the decision to share the pieces I did for a specific reason—so that others can experience the healing in their lives and relationships with their parents also. Each video clip I shared had relevance to my life—I could associate with much of what was being discussed.
However, when I had no understanding of what I was feeling and why I was feeling that way, it was a very confusing and frustrating time of my life that found me responding to the injustices from a place of anger (much of which was internalised). Therefore, my sharing is to help others work through those emotions and get to the root of what causes their anger and frustration in order to start walking towards healing. It is also to help the perpetrators understand the pain they inflict on their loved ones and seek to get the help they need to move forward.
I made a decision in 2009 that I would do all that I could to experience healing from the pain of being a fatherless child. I am still struggling in some areas but I am a long way from where I was in 2009. I determined in my heart to find the root cause of my pain so that I could deal with it and be healed from it. American attorney and civil rights activists, Marion Wright Edelman stated, “If you don’t like the way the world is, you change it. You have an obligation to change it. You just do it one step at a time.” Recognising the gift that God placed within me, like King David I encouraged myself in the Lord with the aim of bringing change in my little world, first in my own heart then in my home, in my extended family, my community etc. I then extend the same to my circle of online contacts.
In John 8:31-32 Jesus said to the Jews which believed on him, that if they continue in his word they are his disciples and that they would know the truth and the truth would set them free. I wanted to be free so I kept reading the Bible seeking answers and searching the internet, reading books, watching DVDs etc. that dealt with the issue of absent fathers in homes and how it impacts the lives of their children. Whatever comes to help me and my loved ones, I also share to help others. I am in that season of my life where I can see the evidence of healing. There was a time I would not have been able to watch clips, such as the ones I shared with my FB friends yesterday, without crying and feeling depressed, as a mixture of emotions would resurface, beginning to feel rejected, unwanted/unloved, not worthy etc. all over again. Although I ache for others feeling the same pain, it’s different now. I am able to see from a different perspective and focus less on what I have lost—my childhood and more on getting healed and helping others to heal.
My heart doesn't ache for the little girl trapped inside my adult body anymore—she has been released. It took many years of struggle but I am no longer controlled by the thoughts of that little girl missing her ‘Daddy’ and waiting for him to show up and to show her love. Watching the film ‘Antwone Fisher’, I heard a poem which helped me to understand why the girl inside me was frozen in time. Then I cried for the little girl who was lost and alone; abandoned; who knew well, hurt and pain. I cried for the little girl who cried inside of me; who died and died again. I shed many tears for that little girl then I got the courage to tell her what she didn’t want to hear: “It’s not because they did not love you; they just did not know how to show it.” At that point she broke and that little girl moved on, allowing the adult me to start a journey of finding me. I was free to finally start living again. John 10:10 and Psalm 27:10-14 became very real to me.
It took that release for me to recognise the pain my mother (and others who have not acknowledged and dealt with their pain in order to heal) feels as well as to understand that my father was also a normal and not a super-human and therefore, he too would have been a wounded soul to have made the decisions he made which impacted my life in such a negative way. Looking at those individuals from my position as an adult (seeing from a different perspective) I was able to forgive them and then ask God to help me to help bring healing to their lives. It also helped me to understand my siblings much better and pray for their healing too. Unfortunately, my father died without me getting the opportunity to meet him but he did get the chance to share his side of the story with me and was able to say to me, 'I love you'. That may have contributed to his healing. However, it felt as if it was too late for me as it didn’t do anything for me as an adult. I believe the entire process, including those three words, contributed to releasing the child that was trapped within me.
On that journey, I recognised the beauty of sharing and began to share my experience with the hope that others who are struggling with said issues may find a reason to hope for the joy and work towards being free from the chains holding them bound to past mistakes. That's when I made a choice to use that energy I once used to hold 'pity parties' to not just find ways to release the pain but to also help others who have been experiencing the same pain. Instead of internalising the pain while rehashing the hurt and holding pity parties (especially as the world celebrates on 'Father's Day' and whenever my birthday approaches each year) I wanted to be used for God's glory in helping to bring about healing in broken lives (especially in those delicate areas no one wants to address).
I am therefore a wounded soul on the road towards total healing and deliverance. That means I too make mistakes and cause hurt and need the forgiveness of God and others on a daily basis. That helps me to forgive freely those who have brought pain into my life. I do not deserve God’s forgiveness but He has forgiven me and accepted me as His precious child. He said that “When my mother and Father forsake me, then the LORD will take me up,” (Psalm 27:10). I am adopted into the family of God and I can now say, “I’m so glad I am a part of the family of God.” I received from Him, the strength and the courage I needed to forgive my parents for the neglect so that I could be free to life a life of abundance which I am now re-claiming.
I pray that the clips I have shared so far, the articles and thoughts will find someone beginning their journey on the road towards healing and/or reconciliation. I thank God for all the people who have stayed committed to the process of praying for me and my family whilst on this journey and to the people who committed to this friendship. To love someone in the darkest moments of their lives is a gift that comes from God. He gives the strength and the courage to do the unthinkable—the impossible. Friends who stick around truly show the strength of that friendship. A gift I am indeed grateful for because I truly believe that ‘Friends are God’s way of taking care of us. Prayer warriors who pray continually even for those they don’t know, but continues to pray in obedience to the Word of God (for leaders, the fatherless, orphans, widows and in blessing the children of the world) help to bring the physical in line with the spiritual. Thank you for your friendship and your prayers.
“God’s heart is the most sensitive and tender of all. No act goes unnoticed, no matter how insignificant or small.”--Richard Foster
May God bless you all for the part you've played in bringing healing to this vessel.
To God be the glory!
Your sister in Christ
Janice S Ramkissoon
9th June 2015.
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