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I had no father to turn to for guidance but the help I needed was provided along the way. It wasn't the same as having a father in my life and it didn't replace the emptiness inside but I now look back in gratitude for the assistance. Those men stood in the gap when I needed such leadership without recognising how desperately I needed their input for my healing to progress. Healing is now evident in my life and I am convinced that God is the One to whom all the praise is due.
My Mother's Father stood in the gap:
First, I recognised the role my grandfather played. He provided a roof over my head, food on the table and the security of a stable home environment. He would die before I met my true love but his only brother (my grand-uncle Ovel) would be the one to walk me down the aisle to 'give me away'. Granddad stood in the gap with a little help from my two uncles (Hervin and Donald) to provide that care.
The Church stood in the gap:
Next, I looked back at the various church groups I have been part of where I have always monitored the spiritually mature believers for guidance. I looked at their behaviour towards each other as member to member, teachers to students, wives to husbands, parents to children, siblings to siblings etc. then cross-referenced those behaviour patterns with Bible characteristics. That then helped me to check my behaviour towards my role as a wife, mother, child, sibling, member etc. and make adjustments when I fell short of walking in the will of my heavenly Father.
On a few occasions I was also chastised. For example, one leader was used to reveal the hidden sin of resentment and urged me to forgive. I saw that as love because God saw me as one of His own and therefore would use whatever method He needed to reach me and do a repair work on my heart.
There was my first pastor, the late Revd. Dennis Millwood. Shortly before he died, he helped a timid little girl to be courageous. Rev. Chisholm was the next person I looked to for that guidance. Under Rev. Chisholm's guidance, I learned the importance of ensuring that God was central focus of my life. I saw, through his example, that marriage was a beautiful gift from God. I also learned what a family setting looked like, having had the opportunity to spend time with him and his wife and their two children.
Revd. Geoffrey Rumble taught me the order of importance in that after God my focus must be on my husband and our family. At the time, church activities had actually taken the place of God in my life. I wasn't seeing clearly and so I wasn't honouring God in my doing. Fortunately, it was in the early stages of our marriage and parenting so adjustments could be made before any major damage was done. Every now and then when we tend to take on too much responsibilities outside the home that advice would come back to remind us of what's important.
The Community/village stood in the gap:
The older men in my community were all leaders I admired and could get advice from when they visited my granddad, when granddad took me with him on visits to see them and when I saw them on the street. They would look out for me, especially when they saw me in town, helping when I was in need of help.
In my latter teen years, I looked to my community youth leader, Paul (Pablo) Reid for that guidance. He still holds that place today in my adult years with the added pleasure of being able to greet him as Pops. He was the one who represented me when I graduated from university. He was the one who spoke on my behalf on the day I married the man of my dreams. With that speech he captured my heart and became the dad I longed for, the dad I never had. Just for a moment I felt like a daughter, not an orphan. That moment was engraved on my heart, that's when he occupied a permanent place in my heart.
I never want to forget how God used these men to fulfil a need in my life.
***The journey continues in part three (http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=176986) looking at how relocation affected the healing process.***
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