I grew up believing in God and that we should love God with all of our strength, and love other people the way we love ourselves. I withstood heartache, abuse and many stressful situations. Everyone around me lived in their own world of grief and trouble. My grandmamma, Mazie, saw through it and tried to teach me to apply God’s word to every situation, to everything that happened. At fifteen I lost sight of that for a short time. Then at age 26 I became consumed with heartache and strife.
Praise God, I gave my heart to God and believed in what Christ did for me and was saved and started speaking in tongues at the tender age of nine. Over the years I was taught a lot more about God’s word, the Holy Bible, and I was able to take several bible classes. However, not long after I gave my heart and life to God I became very sick. I was very sick with painful urination, blood in my urine, and stomach and back pain. I sat on the commode and cried. I called to my mama who was just down the hallway in bed with my daddy. She asked me, “What’s wrong, honey?” Sobbing, I said to her, “It hurts when I pee and when I pee all that comes out is blood. My stomach hurts and I am cold.” She got up to come to me. My daddy said to her in an agitated tone, “Get back in the bed. If she’s sick it’s because she did something wrong.” My mama went back to bed. My daddy then said to me in a gruff voice, “If you are sick then you did something wrong. Go back to bed and think about what you did wrong and ask God to forgive you. Then he will heal you.” When I was able to stand and walk with the pain, I went back to bed. I could not think of anything that I had done wrong but I prayed and I asked God to forgive me of all of my sins. AND I ASKED GOD TO HEAL ME. I remembered my grandmamma telling me about something that she had read in the bible. It was the scripture Matthew 7:7-8. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. I thought about God and his love for us and what Jesus did for us and all of the miracles that he had performed that I knew about.
When I woke up the next morning the pain was gone. I went to the bathroom and peed and there was no blood. Everything was completely normal. I thanked God for healing me and I told my mama who told my daddy. Not long after that my daddy got born again. God has healed me many times over the years but I want to tell you about God healing my heart and spirit. Several years later I allowed my mind to dwell on the things in my life that made me sad and angry. I rebelled against my parents when I was fifteen. I got my mind and heart back on the Lord and God healed me from tonsillitis, seizures that I had for a little over a year which started the same night I was vaginally and anally raped and the pain in my heart and mind that came from being raped. Thank God for healing me from that. I was healed from an extremely bad ear infection. It was so bad I was rushed to see an eye, ear, nose and throat specialist. My employer’s office manager, and my mama and I prayed for my ear and sang praises to God for the hour that it took to get there. By the time that I got there I had been healed. There was no sign of me ever having an ear infection. Praise God. In my early years of marriage I was healed from many other illnesses including endometriosis. Thanks be to God for healing me of that. I no longer needed a hysterectomy and I eventually became pregnant with my third child. All three of my children were healed at different times. Even after all of this and much more I once again allowed my mind to think on things that hurt me and made me angry. I was oppressed. My heart and mind became full of heartache and anger which led to bitterness and spite.
I became engrossed with my bitter thoughts. I left God’s grace and became so wrapped up in spite and anguish that I stopped living my life for God. I stopped living my life to glorify God. I was enveloped with anger that extended past the present time back to my childhood memories. It is as though everything that had ever happened to me came to a big ugly head and covered my face from the love of God and the memories of what he had done for me. When I finally came to my senses I was so distraught with guilt. I had lived in sin for so long. I rededicated my life to God but I no longer felt worthy of his love. I no longer felt worthy of Christ dying on the cross for me. I no longer felt worthy to be blessed by God. I had made a lot of mistakes. I was angry. I was bitter. I was hard. But I believe that the worst mistake that I ever made was believing that I was no longer worthy of God’s love. I wasn’t ever worthy of what Christ did for us. Because of my ego I thought that I had been worthy of God’s love and blessings before I got out in left field. I had to realize that it was by God’s grace I was saved. And it was by God’s grace that I was healed. And it was by God’s grace that I was blessed. Praise God, I am free from the bondage of sin. Once again my mind is clear. I put on the mind of Christ daily and I conform not to this world but I am transformed by the renewing of my mind. Romans 12:2-3 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly then he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.