Short Stories
Clutching his Bible and sermon notes, Pastor Victor Newby walked up the steps of the platform and strode to the podium. The choir broke into a spirited praise and worship song while the congregants, hungry for a message from the Lord, clapped their hands to the music and smiled at his arrival.
How could they have known that the spiritual leader whom they so admired and depended upon was close to just turning around and walking right out the door?
In spite of the urge he felt, Victor continued to his expected position on the platform and faced his church members, a forced smile frozen on his lips as he sang along with the choir and congregation.
"Let's just raise our hands and praise Him, brethren!" he exhorted, as they eagerly obeyed, lifting their hands with him towards heaven, some closing their eyes as they worshipped the Savior.
"Oh, Lord Jesus,, Lord Jesus, You are the answer to our every need, our every trial, our every problem!" he moaned on behalf of those he was shepherd over.
He wished right now that he could tell them the truth about the shambles of his own life and run down to the altar to plead for God's mercy and their prayers, but he knew any admission of weakness on his part might throw his members into confusion and turmoil, as well as put the corporation his ministry had become into jeopardy.
He was burned out, his family was falling apart and his faith was faltering.
It was not his sermon that played in his mind right now. It was the conversation he had had last night with his wife Xenia, who had just informed him that, as far as she was concerned, their twelve year marriage was over.
There was such weariness in the same hazel eyes that had once looked so adoringly at him. She had been faithfully serving at his side, becoming the image of the perfect "First Lady." When they started their ministry, they both had had the same vision, to reach the lost in their urban community. In the beginning, their humble little church had started with sixty members, but, as Victor's charismatic preaching had drawn more and more hungry souls, everything grew beyond his highest dreams.
Their church building was now large enough to hold 6,000. They were now appearing as guest speakers at prestigious ministry conferences with big-name evangelists. Victor's books on Christian living were bestsellers and he was being offered the chance to expand his reach to a worldwide television audience.
All this should have brought him the ultimate satisfaction. The problem was, though, that for all he had "gained", so many other things had been lost.
The work load, the frequent separations, the endless demands had had a negative impact on his closest relationships. When he did get a rare time alone with Xenia, he was too tired to be nurturing. As for the kids, he pretty much left that responsibility to her.
Still, it stunned him when she announced that she had taken all she could bear.
"This is ridiculous, Xee," he protested, not really taking her seriously. "You just need a few hours at the spa, to calm you down from all this craziness."
She sighed and almost looked as though she pitied his cluelessness.
"You just don't get it, Victor. "
"Get what?"
"Our marriage has ceased to be what God intended marriage to be. Only God should come before me and the boys, but you have sacrificed us on the altar of your ambition. I have tried to work with you, hoping you would someday realize how out of order things are, but that hasn't happened and I am so, so tired of waiting. We will not be coming to church with you tomorrow and, by the time, you get back, we will be gone. I have some life-changing decisions to make."
Even then, Victor's reaction was self-serving.
"What do you expect me to say to everybody?"
"You can say whatever you please to the church for now," Xenia said, quietly. "Tell them that the children and I are going to South Carolina to visit my parents. That's at least part of the truth."
"Don't you care at all how this will affect the ministry?" Victor asked, amazed at her seeming indifference. "People look up to you! Thiswill cause a scandal. Contributions will slow down and the folks who have worked so hard for us would have to be let go. They don't deserve to be disrespected!"
"I know they don't, Victor, and that's why I cannot go on with all this pretense, out of the love and respect I have for them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some packing to do."
Nothing more was said between them, as she had gone into the bedroom and locked the door. Though she unlocked it in the morning to allow him to get dressed for church, she remained silent and he was too prideful to attempt to say anything.
All this was what was on his mind now,in the midst of the church meeting going on. The reality of things finally hit him, yet he still felt compelled to go on playing the role of the "perfect" pastor that they all expected.
Victor used all the strength he had to keep from crying. Then, signaling with his hand for all noise to cease, he bowed his head.
"Congregation, let us pray with everything that is within us. We need to hear from You, Lord. Oh, God, how we need Your help!"
This time the prayer was as much for himself as it was for them.
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