Mr. Harris: The editor/executive producer of the National Globe, a combination tv show/tabloid
Mac: the staff of the National Globe, yes Ďmení to Mr. Harris
John: a Christian recently hired by the National Globe
Stephanie: (offstage voice) Johnís wife
JOHN: (on cellular phone) Hi hon, sorry, donít have to time to talk ... I have to go and make my presentation. I know you didnít think too much of my joining the National Globe t.v. show, but wait till you hear what about my presentation...sure hon, I want to hear all about your doctorís visit, but I gotta go. Canít keep the big boys waiting. Love ya. (puts away phone)
(MR. HARRIS, MARY, FRED, MAC are all seated around a table)
MR. HARRIS: Okay, everybody, letís get started. As you know. weíve got a new man on board, John Andrews. John tells me heís got some ideas for our upcoming show/magazine. Remember, weíre a magazine and a show, letís work together here, people!
JOHN: Okay, hereís my idea...
MAC: (interrupting) Iíve got it...letís have a show where we give women on death row makeovers!
JOHN: See, I think weíve been a little too negative in our press...
MAC: Oh no, not this again. (starts mocking John) I know...letís do good news! Letís print statistics on how many planes DIDNíT crash this week.
MARY: Or on functional families..
FRED: On 7-11s that didnít have hold ups!
MAC: On pit bulls who pull little Timmy out of the well.
FRED: On honest politicians..
ALL EXCEPT JOHN AND MR. HARRIS: Yeah, right! (They laugh among themselves)
MR. HARRIS: Okay, people, letís get serious, we have a show and a magazine to plan. John, we donít have all day. Spit out your idea.
JOHN: Let me show you instead. The scandalous Jesus. Front cover...All the lies that Jesus has tried to hide... (dramatically opens National Globe)
FRED: Itís blank!
JOHN: Exactly! And then for the show... We will take you behind the scenes tonight, to show you every dishonest deed Jesus ever performed, when he thought no one was watching...
SCREEN SHOWS SNOW
FRED: I donít know....
JOHN: And one more thing...you know how we always have actors reenacting actual events. We could have Pontius Pilate--
FRED: All right... I get you now, fumes in the cockpit, an unconscious pilot, a horrendous plane crash! I knew this story would pick up!
JOHN: Thatís Pontius, not unconcious..and he wasnít that kind of pilot. He was the government official who sentenced Jesus to death because of the rabble-rousers. But listen to what he said about Jesus. Pilate said ďI find no guilt in the man!Ē
JOHN WAITS EXPECTANTLY FOR REACTION. THERE IS DEAD SILENCE.
FRED: Nice try, John...donít give up your day job.
JOHN: Uh, this is my day job....
EVRYONE EXCEPT MR. HARRIS AND JOHN NUDGE EACH OTHER AND LAUGH
MR. HARRIS: I like it!
FRED: We do too!
MARY: Absolutely, we love that itís.. that itísÖ
MR. HARRIS: That itís going to save us a TON of money. How much did we pay out in lawsuits last year?
MAC: $50 million.
MR. HARRIS: No hot shot movie star to sue us here... no eye witnesses to contradict... a little creative license...John, you got a great start to a story here...just a little tinkering needs to be done here and there... weíll keep all your lead ins...weíll just fill in the lines...
JOHN: With what...
MR. HARRIS: Okay, letís start running a phone number at the end of every show... Do you have any negative stories to tell us about Jesus? call 1-800 FARISEE (UP ON SCREEN or Mr. Harris spells it)
JOHN: Actually, I think Pharisee is spelled with a ďPHĒ
MR. HARRIS: (pumping Johnís hand) John, youíre a genius. This is going to mean a huge promotion for you. Just sign here and weíll get going on your ideas....
JOHN: But this isnít what I had in mind...
MR. HARRIS: We all need to compromise a little, John. Of course, if you canít bend a little, maybe youíd be more comfortable in another environment. Whatís it going to be?
JOHN: Let me make a quick phone call.
John steps away from the group and pulls out his cell phone, dialing.
JOHN: Stephanie, itís me...
STEPHANIE (off stage) John, Iím so glad you called. I canít hold it in any more! The doctor says we finally did it! Iím pregnant! But the only way he can guarantee Iíll be able to go full term is for me to quit my job and have bed rest. Good thing you have a good job and great medical benefits.
MR. HARRIS LOOKS AT JOHN AND SAYS IN UNISON WITH OFFSTAGE STEPHANIE: So what do you have to say, John?