Sometimes it can be really difficult to see anything positive from illness. However, given my own experience and observation of others I have to say that there are times when I can only see it (illness) as a “gift”.
In this Article though, I will only be including my own personal expereince that I am sure many will relate to. I am a Christian and Christian Writer investigating and forever exploring the concept of the “abstract” or “negative”. After many years I have begun to believe that really; “is there anything negative”? I have come to the final conclusion; “there isn't”, when you look deeper into the Spiritual mirror of our realities. In addition to this I have also come to realize that the Bible reflects much of the same concept, that really, nothing is ever truly “negative”.
Over the last 20 years or so I had been diagnosed with many illnesses, most of them “rare”, or so Drs. believed. One of those illnesses I developed was an anaphalactic shock reaction to Sulphur. Sulphur is one of the main chemicals required in the building blocks of life basically. The stuff is everywhere! It is a core component of the earth by nature, and as high as 85% of man-made products contain this rich and life-giving chemical.
So, my life has certainly been precarious to say the least. The last thing I needed to hear was a diagnosis from my Dr. around Christmas time that I have developed Osteoarthritis in the neck region. A real pain in the neck, let me tell you! Initially, I was devestated, there went all my plans for Volunteer Community based work this new year coming. The pain had reached the point beyond human endurance, my movement severely restricted. It seemed I was going to need more care than those I had hoped to care for in my new vocation for 2011. My first port of call was to God. “Hey God”, I said, “what on earth are you trying to do to me”? It seemed over the last 2 years that each step I would try to take toward working away from the home in Volunteer Community work I was virtually tackled at the entrance. I really couldn't understand why, why I shouldn't pursue a life in helping others beyond my own home and family. Being a person of Christian values, it just didn't make any sense! After-all, I had assisted many people in many ways over the course of my life, I just wanted to extend my services a little more. What was God's problem I wondered.
I began to pray for the answer, it took years to unfold! Finally I understood God's Message and also the little Inspirational Card on my desk that had sat there for so long. The card had a picture of a big dog resting in a human bed, he (or she) was sleeping. The corresponding message on the card read, simply; “Rest”. Oh my Lord, it finally dawned on me! That night I went to sleep the answer came in a dream. In essence, God it seemed wanted me to stay home and pursue my somewhat “flippant” Freelance Writing Career!
My writing would be based on my very Spiritual Experiences between 2003 & 2008, a distance of 5 years. During that 5 years I had learned so much. I had been happily married for 27 years, stayed home the entire time, and was self-employed. However, as I learned, one day the Lord told me it was time to grow and learn all the things hubby never taught me. Now, mind you, hubby had completed the job my parents couldn't and raised me through my teenage years. By the time I was 21 I had 3 children, and another 2 that would come along 9 years apart. I gave birth to my last daughter at the age of 40. Well, I couldn't imagine what hubby may not have ever taught me, so I went along on this Spiritual & human Journey I had been invited to by the Holy Spirit. What a ride it was, up, down, up, down, a true roller-coaster ride let me tell you! I was warned however, and told also to hang onto my Faith in God no matter what! I did, but gee it was so hard, so much seemed negative!
As it turned out apparently my hubby had never taught me about “evil”! He is a great guy, loving, gentle, ferociously protective etc., But, he can be a little lovingly manipulating sometimes himself. In his (my hubby's) pursuet for providing for the family, it seems he forgot I was a woman and couldn't continue working at the pace he lovingly expected. Actually, I was as much guilty of this notion as he was! By the age of 43 I was becoming exhausted and dangerously ill. I believe this is why God intervened, with my permission of course. Naturally enough, I embraced this “gift” of learning.
During the 5 year Journey I was given a (so-called) , friend, through this friendship I learned so much. This older woman “appeared” to be loving, caring and trustworthy. Oh! How wrong I was. Never in my life had anyone hurt me so much by toying with my emotions, abusing my help, disguising their true intentions and playing “mind-games:” Surely she was indeed as God had said at the outset; “the best”! Now, at the time, I had no idea what God really meant was this; “she was the best at her craft, (of evil)”. However, I have to thank God for everything, especially the fact that He chose a woman who would not be in a position to “physically” harm me as she had a public image to protect and maintain. So, physical harm was definatley not on the cards. Myself, not being the type to “gossip” have never told anyone to this day of what had transpired between her and I. I do believe that good always wins over evil, a difficult challenge, but one that pays off very well.
During that time I had plenty of time to think or re-think about what I had done over the course of my life. Far too much it seemed! When I put the list on paper I almost fell over and wondered; “how on earth did I do that much all at once”? Homeschooled the kids, ran a business, working in the factory, completed Business and Computer Courses, cleaned the house, cooked the meals, tended the kids and so on. Seriously, I wondered to myself, how did I not notice I was doing too much! Simple, I was going too fast, speed kills as we all know, and God had definatley initiated steps to save me from myself.
Needless to say, the so-called friendship had ended as her history was revealed to me and the content of her Inner-Senses (under-lying thoughts) made known to me at a conscious level. Her last words to me after I confronted her, (gently), were; “oh well, shit happens, get over it”. I got over it (her evil), as she put it, but she never got over it. God had won for me as He promised He would Deliver me whilst I held onto my Faith no matter how bad and sad things got. At the conclusion of this Journey I returned home to hubby a new woman, more in Christ than I ever was, happier than I had ever been, and sicker that I ever remember.
I came to realize quite quickly that despite all my ailments, and some severe, I was indeed getting a “rest”! I had never had the opportunity to rest and be more with God as I had many times wanted thoughout the course of my life. It took many more months to diagnose the Osteoarthritis in the neck and spine that was causing so much pain. It is a degenerative disease that progresses over one's life. However, again I maintained my Faith, and prayed for answers.
Funnily enough the same Message came from the Holy Spirit as before; “Rest”, for this illness will force others to allow me to rest! They have no choice, and for that matter, really, neither do I. But I realized by having an illness such as this, I am still able to write, something of a passion for me to do more of. I have always written about the contents of the Bible and how wonderful God truly is. But really, I never could find the time I wanted to do more! So, God found it for me, through a rather unusual “gift” of Osteoarthritis, a condition that about all I can do is write! Now, is God clever or what?
Strangely enough too, once I realized (real eyesed), the Message, finally . . . I got some pain relief. Not enough to ever work again as I had in my life-time, but enough to allow me to sit and write whenever and for however long I want, free of disturbances. This is my Testimony to God for the “gift” He gave me that seemed impossible to achieve on my own.
I still have a little 11 year old girl to raise, she is a beautiful child, but thankfully, I have enough power and mobility to be her mother. Sure, we don't do things like playing baseball or sack racing anymore, but we do spend a great deal of quality time together.
In conclusion, our family business closed, hubby went to work in our son's business, as he had done for us whilst he was growing up. It is just so amazing how our lives moved backward in Order for us to move forward, something else God had told me right from the start. Only the loving brillance of a Christian God could have had such a Master Plan for me. However, as I realized, Faith is the Key to all “Matters” with God the Father, Jesus, the Son and combined to be the Holy Spirit to “breathe” God's Word into the hearts and minds of men, women and children who will “truly” listen and believe that with God; “all things are possible”!
As the Bible states truly, suffering and illness are borne of the “Will” of humanity in “choosing” not to follow God's Word. Rather, many people as I have found, “choose” logic over Faith and ignore their Inner Senses (IS) or intuition, the “voice” of the Holy Spirit. Actually, on a last note, I sought help from a Christian Counsellor who went as far as to say that only man-made treatments could help me through. I had always maintained that truly; “only God knows what is wrong with me and how to fix it”. Needless to say, I walked away from her realizing she like so many connected with the Church will do more “lip-speaking” than actually believing and practising their Faith.
Truly, I was disgusted in her suggestion and still find it disorienting to this day that the majority of Church Leaders do not recognize the Holy Spirit at work in people. To add insult to injury, nor do they seem to believe God is capable of curing any human condition that might see for us a better future. It appears they (Church Leaders by majority), cannot see the negative through the positive of God's Will that He will always do what is best for us. Rather, they resort too quickly to human-kind rather than God's superior Healing Energy (HE) And Light (AL) 2 HEAL both the mind and body through the Holy Spirit.
So, to many people who may be feeling they have lousy cards with regard to illness of whatever kind; “try to see past the negative and know that God will heal you if you “allow” Him to”. God only knows what you truly need, others only speculate and remember, our idea of what is good for us and God's are truly worlds apart. God cannot weild His loving magic where evil lives because Satan and God cannot share the same space. We can only choose One, and we cannot simply “lip-speak”, but must believe with our entire Being, the mind, body and Spirit. Only when the 3 are aligned truly in our hearts can we reap the benefits of God's Word that heals all ways in our best interests in doing what is good for us.