I have decided to write you this letter because I feel itís time for you to know how much your decision to leave us has affected our entire family. Had you stuck around, I donít think weíd all be as screwed up as we are, but mostly me. I know that sounds selfish but the truth is I actually HATE you for abandoning us!
Surprised by the anger that unexpectedly sprang forth from the rage that had been secretly lurking inside of Taylor for so many years; she choked back screams, denying them the power to be anything more than spasms trapped within her chest. However, she was powerless to suppress the hot tears of anguish that abruptly flooded her eyes, spilling to their demise upon the flimsy paper of her long overdue letter.
Iím twenty-six now, and married. However, Iím unable to have children of my own and the truth is I blame you! You wonít hear me calling you Dad in this letter, because I have a dad. A wonderful man whoís raised me since I was six years old. Heís my dad, not you! You havenít earned it. Sure, youíre my father, but only through biology.
Until today, the only emotion Iíve felt about you not being in my life, was sadness because you didnít love me enough to be there for me while I was growing up. I was envious when the boys spoke about you with fondness and laughter, telling me what a good dad you were before you left; but now I resent that Iíve missed someone I donít even remember!
If you had stuck around, none of us would be as messed up as we are. All because you chose not to finish your job of raising us, like a good father should have!
Kenneth began stealing several years after you left and long story short, heís spent most of his life in prison! Every Psychiatrist thatís treated him said that you leaving the way you did is the reason he began acting out.
Then thereís Ryan and Randy whoíve wasted their lives drinking and have abandoned their families, just like you!
As for Bruce, heís traveling around the country like a hobo. Sleeping wherever he can, and selling his blood for money when heís not taking acid or getting stoned.
Mom became an alcoholic after you left and was clueless about the molestation that took place under her own roof. Thatís right father, MOLESTATION by your sons!
It wasnít until the man I consider my ďREAL DADĒ married mom, that I truly felt loved. He cared then and he cares for me now. He and mom got divorced because of her drinking and I donít blame him, but unlike you, he took me with him. If it werenít for him, I be a looser too, JUST LIKE YOU AND ALL OF YOUR SONS! AND Iíd probably be an alcoholic like mom!
I know I shouldnít blame you entirely, but the fact is, I do and I canít forgive you. I WONíT forgive you, andÖ, unable to continue her letter, Taylor flung herself face down upon the overgrown grass. Grieving uncontrollably, she allowed her guttural pleas of despair to escape from the darkness within.
Once Taylorís heart-rending turbulence had eclipsed, she slowly sat up and gently removed the soaked auburn strands of hair now clinging to her flushed cheeks. Using the hem of her eyelet trimmed skirt; she patted the moistness from her wearied blue eyes. Inhaling deeply she drew a stabilizing breath as she reached for her discarded pen to finish what she had bravely begun.
Iím so sorry Dad, I do love you and I do forgive you. I know your were doing the best you could working as a lumberjack to support five children and Iím sure that if that tree hadnít fallen on you, you would have never left us.
Rising to leave, Taylor drew the letter close to her chest and embraced it tenderly before placing it upon her fatherís grave. ďGoodbye Daddy,Ē Taylor whispered affectionately, ďI look forward to meeting you in heaven.Ē
PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR,
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