Real Headline: Deer Crashes Will Get More Frequent As The Year Winds Down
Story by David Ian, Special Correspondent to The Daily Grind
"They jus' keep dropping out of the sky," Willard Fillis, of Omar Idaho said, "An' it's been gettin' worse lately." Residents around the country have been noticing a sharp rise in plummeting deer over the course of the year, and officials and experts anticipate in will only increase.
"Deer just haven't gotten the knack of flight yet," Professor Kincaid of the Forestry Animal Institute said. "Deer haven't mastered all the nuances of in-flight maneuvering, landing techniques, and especially sustaining altitude. Inexplicably, they just suddenly plummet."
Sudden deer crashes are on the rise across the nation, and present the worst problem in the urban areas."We used to smile and point to the sky when a flock of deer flew over," Mayor Trevor Helisinki of Lakeside Washington commented. "Now, most people duck and run for cover. You never know when one or more of them is going to suddenly drop out of the sky. Some people are getting guns, which causes a problem within the city limits. But can you blame them?"
Controversy arises when residents, in an effort to protect property, attempt to shoot down the deer before they crash upon their homes and cars. Often, however, it causes the downed deer to crash upon someone else's property.
"It's just going to get worse," adds Professor Kincaid. "Pretty soon it will be migration season, and we'll be seeing large flocks of clumsy deer trying to fly south, or east, or... you know, I'm not even sure THEY know where they are going."