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I Want to Hope
by Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
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I feel so desperate.
Scared and alone,
Unsure why I am
emitting a dark tone.

I often wonder
if I really try my best,
and in the end
will I pass the test?

I must not be too bright
to have allowed such evil in
but it's wrapped around my head
soon I'll be in the loony bin.

I've been told
if it were only for me
Jesus would have still died
to set me free.

Why do I find
that such a hard line
to believe with my heart
to think I'm that fine.

The truth is
I'm a loser completely.
I know Jesus loves you;
But how could He ever love me?

Maybe it's time
to no longer try;
just crawl in my bed
and let myself die.

I've tried suicide before
I am such a jerk,
I mess up so much
I couldn't even make death work.

Don't fret as you read
or rush to the phone and dial
I'm way too scared to die
I'll be here for a while.

But I'm more scared
to learn how to live.
All I do is take and take
But never am able to give.

This poem is just like
what it seems-
I'm a scared nobody
afraid to follow my dreams.

So tonight when you kneel
Keep me in your prayers.
There are so may of us
who wonder if anyone cares

So think of the sad,
the one who cuts,
of her who can't eat
because life just sucks.

We need you all.
I'm sure I'm not the first
to wonder if it's
possible to quench my thirst.

Jesus has come
and settled by my side.
I can feel His love
He knows how hard I tried.

He understands
what is in my heart.
I'm not sure why
it feels like it's breaking apart.

But He is with me now.
His Holy Spirit stands guard
to prevent me from
letting my heart turn hard.

I can feel the prayers
rushing to Heaven for my sake.
I won't give up
no matter how my heart aches.

Anyone else who is out there
reading this right now
know that Jesus will protect me
from my self somehow.

He's done it many times
He always saved me in my past,
I wanted to control when I died,
But He wanted me to last.

So although this is a bummer
Fear not for God is near
He's helping right now
and has quieted my fear.

Thank you for your prayers
and wonderful thought
you sent my way
The fight has been fought.

Tonight the Lord wouldn't
let the Devil win.
I'm going now to
ask forgiveness for my sin.

I feel a lot better
Really I do
Jesus loves me.
This I know is true.

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God is Not Against You - He Came on an All Out Rescue Mission to Save You

...in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them... 2 Cor 5:19

Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Acts 13:38


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Member Comments
Member Date
Andrea Willard  20 Aug 2011
Shann you are so lovely in the way you express your need for your Saviour, our Lord Jesus Christ. He is in the midst of your pain. His tears for you puddle at his feet as He holds you close to his breast. Calling all children! Ollie Ollie Ox in Free! God bless!!! You are glad to be alive. That makes me very very happy.
Amy Michelle Wiley  09 Oct 2010
This is beautifully written, Shann. I'm glad God saved you because otherwise I would never have known you and I'd have lost a precious friend. (((hugs)))
Patsy Hallum 12 Aug 2010
You have captured in rhyme, the crux of depression and coming out to find Jesus! Great writing, a typo or two but great.
Judy Wilson 18 Jun 2010
Yes you keep pouring your heart out, this is what touches others because many will identify... I want you to remember one thing... When you are seeing your ugliness, you are seeing God's Glory... He hears you and thanks so much for you beautiful comment on my poem... Go and read On Crimson Wing of mine, you are not alone sweetie....
Flora Sawyer 29 Apr 2010
Dear Shann, You have such an ability to relate to the hurting person - keep going - and write more poetry - the more you write the more readily you will be able to express your thoughts poetically. Poetry "gets" to people - even people in these conditions - as you seem to understand - Not everyone has that - keep going - Flora
AnneRene' Capp 20 Mar 2010
How strong you really are, to let the world see that THEY are not alone in their battles they hide. What a ministring tool for those who stumble across this poem and are priviledged to peek into another's hurting soul, and then to hear your message of hope, Jesus, our only true hope.
harvestgal Ndaguba 19 Feb 2010
Wow, this is such a touching poem and a reminder to me, to pray for the many hurting people out there. Just because we may be Christians doesn't mean we don't hurt. Many Christians and nonchristians alike are out there hurting and it's our prayers that can help open their eyes to the love of Christ and Let His love heal their hearts and lives. Blessings to you.
Rikki Akeo 07 Feb 2010
Indeed! Jesus is the Lover of your soul! Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and let Him renew your mind! Our thoughts are powerful because they determine our actions. Remember, that even though we know that God has a plan for us, it's wise if we keep in mind that satan does, also- to steal, kill, and destroy. Particularly, he robs us of our joy and the joy of the Lord IS your strength! --- Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. You can find the full scripture in Ephesians 6:10-17 PRAISE GOD!


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