Setting the Scene Correctly
Posted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 9:34 am
To start off this week’s lesson, here’s the beginning of a short story for you to read:
***
Emma sipped her cup of coffee and stared out the window. She knew it was ridiculous to wait for Will this way—he’d told her that he’d let her know when he was on the way home, and she hadn’t heard a word from him. Still…maybe he’d forgotten. So she watched, while her coffee grew cold. Her neighbor waved as he went by, obviously in a hurry to get to the city. He’d better slow down, Emma thought. Susan will be a widow if he keeps driving like that.
It appeared that Will would not be home this day, so Emma plodded wearily to the kitchen and set her cup on the counter. I should get dressed—what if someone came to the door and saw me like this? She walked to the bedroom and pulled on yesterday’s outfit. No one was home to care.
But to her surprise, just as she was brushing a small stain from her pinafore, Emma heard the familiar clop-clop of horses’ hooves. It had to be Will—and as she rushed to the door, she saw his beloved form hopping from an unfamiliar carriage. His musket was slung over his shoulder, and he dropped a bundle of furs on the dirt in front of their cabin. “Emma!” he shouted, and she ran into his arms, bonnet strings flying.
***
Were you a little bit surprised when you got to the third paragraph? If I did my job right, you probably were; this little vignette was written to illustrate the principal of setting the scene correctly.
When most people read fiction, their default setting—unless told otherwise—is to assume that what they’re about to read takes place approximately here and approximately now. At FaithWriters, even though we’re an international site, here and now usually means an English-speaking country in the 21st century. And I think that’s what most of you may have assumed as you started to read about Emma in my sample paragraphs above.
So if your setting is going to be something other than here and now, you owe it to your reader to set the scene for her, and to do it early on. Otherwise, she’ll experience that same disorientation and confusion that you did when you got to Emma’s pinafore. However, you don’t have to tell her what the setting is, as in this example:
It was March of 1853, and Emma Higgins was sitting in her Nebraska cabin, drinking coffee and waiting for her man.
What you can do, however, is to use specific words that place your story in a definite time period. Thus:
Emma sipped her coffee and stared out the window. She knew it was ridiculous to wait for Will this way—he’d told her that he’d send a letter by the quickest mail coach when he was on the way home. It would only take a week or so to get to her, and by that time, he’d be close to home. Still…maybe he’d forgotten. So she watched, while her coffee grew cold. Her neighbor waved as he went by in his carriage, obviously in a hurry to get to the city. He whipped his reluctant horses, who bucked and started. He’d better slow down, Emma thought. Susan will be a widow if he keeps driving like that.
It appeared that Will would not be home this day, so Emma plodded wearily to the kitchen and set her cup on its wooden shelf. I should get dressed—what if someone came to the door and saw me like this? She walked to the bedroom and pulled on yesterday’s brown frock and tattered woolen stockings. No one was home to care.
***
Do you see how those two paragraphs set the scene for the reader, from the second sentence on?
You’ll want to do the same thing if your story is set in any time period significantly different from now, or in any place that readers of this story might not be familiar with. If poor Emma is in a spaceship, let the readers know right away. If she’s in 1950’s America, put her in a poodle skirt. If she’s in Japan, give her some tea to drink and put her sandals by the door.
Be careful, though, that you don’t overwhelm the readers with a data dump of setting-specific details, like this:
Emma sat on a little wooden stool and sipped her coffee from a chipped china cup. Her mother had given her the cups when they headed west; this was the last one. She stared out the window of her little log cabin; the chinking was loose in a corner and she wished that Will was home to fix it. She knew it was ridiculous to wait for Will this way—he’d told her that he’d send a letter by the quickest mail coach when he was on the way home. It would only take a week or so to get to her, and by that time, he’d be close to home. But the letter hadn’t arrived. Still…maybe he’d forgotten. So she watched, while her coffee grew cold. Her neighbor waved as he went by, wearing a ten-gallon hat and worn leather chaps, obviously in a hurry to get to the city. He whipped his reluctant horses, who bucked and started. He’d better slow down, Emma thought. Susan will be a widow if he keeps driving like that.
***
That’s a bit of overkill.
A few more things to note:
1. Do more research than I did just now. I have no idea if people had muskets in the 1850s, or if there were log cabins in Nebraska that had chinking, or if mail was delivered by coach then and there. Proper research will help you to set your scene properly; lack of research will shine a bright light on your writing, but it’s not the kind of light you want—it’s flashing AMATEUR…AMATEUR…AMATEUR.
2. You might want to check out the lessons on Setting and Good Beginnings. Some of this material is touched on there, too. You can find those lessons on this indexed list.
If you have any questions on setting the scene or any comments on this lesson, I’d love to hear them.
***
Emma sipped her cup of coffee and stared out the window. She knew it was ridiculous to wait for Will this way—he’d told her that he’d let her know when he was on the way home, and she hadn’t heard a word from him. Still…maybe he’d forgotten. So she watched, while her coffee grew cold. Her neighbor waved as he went by, obviously in a hurry to get to the city. He’d better slow down, Emma thought. Susan will be a widow if he keeps driving like that.
It appeared that Will would not be home this day, so Emma plodded wearily to the kitchen and set her cup on the counter. I should get dressed—what if someone came to the door and saw me like this? She walked to the bedroom and pulled on yesterday’s outfit. No one was home to care.
But to her surprise, just as she was brushing a small stain from her pinafore, Emma heard the familiar clop-clop of horses’ hooves. It had to be Will—and as she rushed to the door, she saw his beloved form hopping from an unfamiliar carriage. His musket was slung over his shoulder, and he dropped a bundle of furs on the dirt in front of their cabin. “Emma!” he shouted, and she ran into his arms, bonnet strings flying.
***
Were you a little bit surprised when you got to the third paragraph? If I did my job right, you probably were; this little vignette was written to illustrate the principal of setting the scene correctly.
When most people read fiction, their default setting—unless told otherwise—is to assume that what they’re about to read takes place approximately here and approximately now. At FaithWriters, even though we’re an international site, here and now usually means an English-speaking country in the 21st century. And I think that’s what most of you may have assumed as you started to read about Emma in my sample paragraphs above.
So if your setting is going to be something other than here and now, you owe it to your reader to set the scene for her, and to do it early on. Otherwise, she’ll experience that same disorientation and confusion that you did when you got to Emma’s pinafore. However, you don’t have to tell her what the setting is, as in this example:
It was March of 1853, and Emma Higgins was sitting in her Nebraska cabin, drinking coffee and waiting for her man.
What you can do, however, is to use specific words that place your story in a definite time period. Thus:
Emma sipped her coffee and stared out the window. She knew it was ridiculous to wait for Will this way—he’d told her that he’d send a letter by the quickest mail coach when he was on the way home. It would only take a week or so to get to her, and by that time, he’d be close to home. Still…maybe he’d forgotten. So she watched, while her coffee grew cold. Her neighbor waved as he went by in his carriage, obviously in a hurry to get to the city. He whipped his reluctant horses, who bucked and started. He’d better slow down, Emma thought. Susan will be a widow if he keeps driving like that.
It appeared that Will would not be home this day, so Emma plodded wearily to the kitchen and set her cup on its wooden shelf. I should get dressed—what if someone came to the door and saw me like this? She walked to the bedroom and pulled on yesterday’s brown frock and tattered woolen stockings. No one was home to care.
***
Do you see how those two paragraphs set the scene for the reader, from the second sentence on?
You’ll want to do the same thing if your story is set in any time period significantly different from now, or in any place that readers of this story might not be familiar with. If poor Emma is in a spaceship, let the readers know right away. If she’s in 1950’s America, put her in a poodle skirt. If she’s in Japan, give her some tea to drink and put her sandals by the door.
Be careful, though, that you don’t overwhelm the readers with a data dump of setting-specific details, like this:
Emma sat on a little wooden stool and sipped her coffee from a chipped china cup. Her mother had given her the cups when they headed west; this was the last one. She stared out the window of her little log cabin; the chinking was loose in a corner and she wished that Will was home to fix it. She knew it was ridiculous to wait for Will this way—he’d told her that he’d send a letter by the quickest mail coach when he was on the way home. It would only take a week or so to get to her, and by that time, he’d be close to home. But the letter hadn’t arrived. Still…maybe he’d forgotten. So she watched, while her coffee grew cold. Her neighbor waved as he went by, wearing a ten-gallon hat and worn leather chaps, obviously in a hurry to get to the city. He whipped his reluctant horses, who bucked and started. He’d better slow down, Emma thought. Susan will be a widow if he keeps driving like that.
***
That’s a bit of overkill.
A few more things to note:
1. Do more research than I did just now. I have no idea if people had muskets in the 1850s, or if there were log cabins in Nebraska that had chinking, or if mail was delivered by coach then and there. Proper research will help you to set your scene properly; lack of research will shine a bright light on your writing, but it’s not the kind of light you want—it’s flashing AMATEUR…AMATEUR…AMATEUR.
2. You might want to check out the lessons on Setting and Good Beginnings. Some of this material is touched on there, too. You can find those lessons on this indexed list.
If you have any questions on setting the scene or any comments on this lesson, I’d love to hear them.
) 
). Hope you CAN get back in to the challenge (me too LOL). Lots of fun.