Thanks, Jan--
I've made the corrections, and also chose the word lingered, instead stayed, in the 5th paragraph.
Search found 34 matches
- Tue Jul 04, 2017 11:01 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Dialog #1
- Replies: 103
- Views: 185684
- Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:55 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion
- Replies: 40
- Views: 64877
Re: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion
Thanks, Jan. I'll be reading the top entries in Level 4. And Jan, I knew it! I could "see" your humorous and artistic style--embedded in between the suggested sentences and observations--given by into the ratings report. You have a strong and distinctive voice. Thank you so much. God bless...
- Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:23 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION
- Replies: 28
- Views: 51414
Re: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION
Oh, Jan! This is a masterful piece. I enjoyed every layer, from the beginning to the end. I fell in love with Junie, and I wanted to bite her too! :lol: My favorite paragraph: "I pulled my fingers away. "I won't touch it," I said, and immediately began a plan for getting the baby to m...
- Tue Jul 04, 2017 4:37 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Dialog #1
- Replies: 103
- Views: 185684
Re: Dialog #1
Hi Jan, here is my shot: Jocelyn frowned and yelled at me, "Why church people can't have fun, mom?" I'm going anyway, you know that..." She walked sideways at my front. Seated on the sofa, I kept looking at my tablet. I had to be careful to answer to that one. "It's not about bei...
- Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:54 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion
- Replies: 40
- Views: 64877
Re: Conclusion #2--the 5th judging criterion
Hi Jan, here is the link of my entry, Revival in Oopsville. It was rated and reviewed by the judges. You'll see that my conclusion was poor: https://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-level2-previous.php?id=55539 Here is the suggestion given by the judges: "For years after, whenever Sister Belauca...
- Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:01 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION
- Replies: 28
- Views: 51414
Re: Be a Better Writer--CHARACTERIZATION
Hi Jan, 1) Here is a list of some ways that Junie is made to be a round character: a) Physical and psychological description: "I was far too big to be carried"; "I wanted my mothers lap"; "I was wildly covetous of that bassinet". b) Dialogue: "It's got no arms. Whe...
- Sun Jul 02, 2017 8:28 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion
- Replies: 52
- Views: 99232
Re: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion
Thanks, Jan.
- Sat Jul 01, 2017 2:26 am
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion
- Replies: 52
- Views: 99232
Re: Beginnings #2--the 4th judging criterion
Hi Jan, I chose the first paragraph of Ernest Hemingway's novel, The Old Man and the Sea: "He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. In the first forty days a boy had been with him. But after forty days without a...
- Fri Jun 30, 2017 11:41 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion
- Replies: 104
- Views: 194996
Re: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion
Thanks, Jan.
- Thu Jun 29, 2017 1:24 am
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion
- Replies: 104
- Views: 194996
Re: Beginnings (#1)--the 4th judging criterion
Hi Jan, here's my title and first sentence: 1. Title: Hitherto (J's series) 2. First sentence: The farmhouse porch light turned on. On the floor, a dropped off baby girl inside a basket, chewed a paper note with the words, please, don't worship or speak in tongues near this child . Thanks. Blessings.
- Wed Jun 28, 2017 2:52 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Dialog #2
- Replies: 52
- Views: 109767
Re: Dialog #2
"Come with me," Lukas said. Nadin followed him through a narrow and shadowy corridor. "We should call Rachel and the others," Nadin said. He shook his head and smirked. "Phones won't work here, Nadin. We're in another dimension, remember?" "You're so funny," s...
- Wed Jun 28, 2017 1:12 pm
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Be a Better Writer--PUNCTUATING DIALOGUE
- Replies: 11
- Views: 22462
Re: Be a Better Writer--PUNCTUATING DIALOGUE
I had some doubts about the capitalization after question mark and exclamation point!
"Why should I do that?" she asked.
"Rachel, I love you." He smiled and held her hands.
"Philip is in love with Vida," she said.
This is great, Jan. Thanks.
"Why should I do that?" she asked.
"Rachel, I love you." He smiled and held her hands.
"Philip is in love with Vida," she said.
This is great, Jan. Thanks.
- Wed Jun 28, 2017 2:07 am
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Be a Better Writer--AVOID THESE COMMON ERRORS
- Replies: 18
- Views: 38324
Re: Be a Better Writer--AVOID THESE COMMON ERRORS
Great!
Thanks.
Thanks.
- Wed Jun 28, 2017 1:55 am
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Be a Better Writer--COMMAS ARE TRICKY
- Replies: 47
- Views: 78461
Re: Be a Better Writer--COMMAS ARE TRICKY
Thanks, Jan.
This lesson covers a lot!
This lesson covers a lot!
- Tue Jun 27, 2017 12:17 am
- Forum: Jan's Writing Basics
- Topic: Be a Better Writer--Writing on topic
- Replies: 44
- Views: 69307
Re: Be a Better Writer--Writing on topic
Hi Jan, I received today the ratings report on my article Revival in Oopsville. I had a 1.83 score on the topic category... I loved how you described Lavinia's skin color, as the pale tan of chicken eggs. Sister Pauline's developments are laugh-out-loud funny, but I got depressed a moment later. How...